


Between the Lines

by itallstartedwithharry



Category: Glee
Genre: Canon Compliant, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-03-06 22:58:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3151526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itallstartedwithharry/pseuds/itallstartedwithharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What started as a series of reactions to season 6 has turned into me exploring every inch of canon glee I can get my hands on. This will not read as a long fic but everything will be connected, and I'll say at the beginning of each chapter what episode or moment the focus is. I will follow what occurs in canon but I will include my own headcanons and offscreen moments to augment what we see! I'm always open to suggestions or prompts here or on tumblr :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> Snippets of Kurt and Blaine seeing their therapists.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place between seasons 5 and 6 - Summer/Fall 2014. Snippets of Kurt and Blaine seeing their therapists after their second break-up.

“I can’t sleep.”

“My chest feels like I’m underneath a truck. Every single day.”

“I can’t stop crying…and I don’t have the energy to do anything else.”

These are the phrases he opens his first therapy appointment with before bursting into tears.

“It’s okay,” the woman soothed, why don’t you start from the beginning?”

*

“That’s the first time I told him, I guess. That I was afraid he would one day just stop loving me. That I’d put everything into our relationship, into our life, and have it all just-” he choked on tears, “disappear.”

She nodded, “and do you think that conversation helped you move forward?”

Blaine shrugged, pulling out yet another tissue, “I guess. We started working out together, he told me he loved me more, I felt more comfortable being close to him.”

“Were you still afraid?”

“…yeah,” Blaine said hoarsely, “I was.”

*

“Do you think you ever forgave yourself for cheating on Kurt?”

Blaine opened and closed his mouth several times. “I don’t…Kurt forgave me, he did.”

“That’s not what I asked you.”

“I…I thought I had.”

“You never felt like you were trying to make up for something? To prove you were worth a second chance? Waiting for his gift of forgiveness to disappear?”

Blaine burst into tears again.

“Yes, oh my god, yes.”

*

“Wedding planning was so hard. But I thought we would work on it together, even thought that Kurt would take the lead. He liked it too, but his schoolwork and practice and job took a lot of time. And I…well I was still struggling with feeling positive about me belonging at NYADA so I ended up kind of focusing on planning instead. I felt that if my school life was kind of falling apart, at least I could focus on this.”

“But you mentioned earlier you felt that you were burdened with most of the planning.”

“Well, I guess, yeah.” Blaine tilted his head. “I guess we just weren’t on the same page.”

*

“I felt like I was laying myself out completely, giving him everything. And I know he shows love differently, I do…but something was gone between us. Like my Kurt wasn’t even there.”

*

“I tried to focus on what I loved, like you said.” Blaine sighed, “But I could barely sit up in my bed, let alone make music. Every dream, every plan I had for my future feels dead.”

“Can you think of anything, any goal; that makes you happy?”

“I just wanna-” he sniffed, “god you know I said this back in the beginning, but I just want to make art and help people. Make them happy.”

“Well,” she smiled softly, “maybe there’s an outlet here for you to work towards that.”

*

“I can fix this, I can. This is my new start, my new everything. I have to make this work.”

“As long as you’re being honest with yourself, Blaine. Do you think you are?”

Blaine didn’t respond.

*

“I felt like…” Blaine looked hard at the wall past her head, “I don’t know. I’ve never felt like that in my life. Not when Cooper left and stopped calling. Not when those assholes beat me senseless. Not when my parents had problems. Not when Kurt was lying in a hospital…” He turned to make eye contact with her, “I’ve never felt that much pain in my entire life.” Blaine shook his head, “I told him I would never forgive him. So…why do I feel like this? Part of me wants to beg for forgiveness, part of me wants to believe he’ll come back and apologize, and another part of me…well-”

Blaine absentmindedly played with his wrist, a motion which did not go unnoticed by his therapist.

“Blaine, have you ever been on medication for depression?”

*

Kurt sat up even straighter, smoothing out a wrinkle in his pants as he made eye contact with the woman sitting across from him yet again. She had asked him a couple minutes ago why he was there, and he had yet to answer her.

“Kurt? Are you still with me?”

Kurt nodded sharply, looking down at his fingernails. “Yes.”

They didn’t accomplish much that session.

*

“Yep, go for it, I can already tell what you’re going to say.”

“Enlighten me.”

“I’m cold, I’m bitchy, I’m nitpicky, I lash out too easily, I’m a control freak – come on which one is it going to be, I’ve heard them all before.”

The silence stretched on, making Kurt feel more and more uncomfortable.

“How does it make you feel when you convince yourself that the world already sees you in a negative light before you even get a chance to make an impression?”

*

“It was exhausting, once he moved back in. I was all prepared, ready to make compromises and have our own spaces and follow a routine but it just didn’t work and I was just-” He shook his head in frustration as his eyes welled up. “I was exhausted. Oh god-” tears streamed down his face. “NYADA is _hard_ and my days are so long and just…every time I came home it was something and I just was so exhausted I just had to turn it off.”

“Turn what off?” She interrupted.

“I don’t know…I just didn’t have the energy to fight or talk about every detail and every issue-”

“So the two of you weren’t really communicating during that time?”

“Oh he was communicating all right,” Kurt rolled his eyes, “it was just too much. I mean I felt like the only time we were getting through to each other was when we were fighting.”

“So you ‘turned if off’,” she repeated his words. “And how do you think Blaine took that?”

“Well I mean he knows the stress of it all as much as I did…but...” Kurt sighed, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

*

“You seem uncomfortable.”

“I am…” Kurt stared at the carpet. “Intimacy has always been…difficult. It was just so important, so special, so frightening…” He gave a self-deprecating laugh, “the first time Blaine and I talked about intimacy, I basically told him I was a baby penguin…but I don’t think he really ever understood the fear I had.”

“Of physical, or emotional intimacy?”

“…both,” Kurt admitted, “and he helped, he did. But after he cheated…it was like so many of my fears were proven true. And even towards the...end,” he paused, “the intimacy just felt empty. It made all my paranoia about us and the future worse which pulled me away from him more…”

“Did you ever explain these fears about intimacy to Blaine?”

“…no. I was afraid he would think it was his fault.”

*

“Blaine is just such a _good_ person.” There was a long pause. “He connects with people so easily and loves so fully and completely…all I ever want is to show him that I love him just as much.” He dropped his face into his hands. “I’m just so fucked up I have trouble showing it sometimes.”

*

“You want to hear the truth?!” Kurt lost it, voice cracking in anger, “I just got so worked up and frustrated and irritated and tired and I just said it!” He didn’t bother trying to hide the tears and snot on his face. “I told him the one fucking thing I knew he feared the most and the second I said it I regretted it…but it-it was too late.” He shook his head numbly. “I blew it. I blew the best thing that ever happened to me. Once those words left my mouth and he told me he’d never forgive me…I’ve never felt that much pain and fear in my entire life.”

*

The phone rang once, twice…

“Hello?”

Kurt breathed a sigh of relief as his therapist picked up.

“I did…I did what I was supposed to – what we’ve been working on and everything was supposed to be okay it was supposed to be fine I’m fixing myself I’m getting better but it’s too late I didn’t-I can’t-”

“Kurt I’m going to need you to breathe.” She waited until she heard Kurt go through some deep breathing. “Say it again.”

“I said how I felt,” Kurt went through their list of things they had talked about. “I didn’t hold back, I told him that he – that we – are my focus and my dream. And I told him that I wasn’t going to stop until we worked through this.”

“Emotional vulnerability, good job Kurt. Maybe a little forward and overwhelming for him but I’m proud of you for taking that step.”

“But what’s the point?” Kurt grasped onto his phone like a lifeline as tears fell off of his face. “What’s the point if he’s already moved on with someone else?”


	2. Karofsky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First look at Blaine's relationship with Karofsky early season 6, written in the sense of Blaine thinking back on it much later.

Blaine needed someone, he needed to be wanted and loved and cuddled. He needed to be needed.

But he couldn’t be reminded of Kurt…of what they lost…or the fact that his heart was still set on him.

So he set out to Scandals that night, despite bears not being his usual type. He was attracted to men like Kurt, like Sebastian, but he was all about the new and the different. Everything opposite of what broke his heart. Different was safe.

The last thing Blaine expected was to have a drink with Karofsky, or that their conversation would center on the one person he was trying to forget. Though looking back on it, he could guess that the two of them had that in common.

What did Blaine like about Karofsky? What did he see in him? Those were two questions that he had to explain to Kurt later on – how on earth he could possibly be with him after all their history.

Well, it came down to companionship. In the beginning David spent a lot of time apologizing, explaining, and describing how far he had come and how pivotal a role Kurt had played in his transformation. That was something Blaine still had no doubts about; David had made it clear that he was a new and different man now. From there it turned out the two of them had enough in common that conversation flowed relatively easily. From football to politics to their experiences with their parents, honest and happy conversation was something Blaine had been missing from his life and was enthusiastic to chase.

But it was evident from the beginning they had no chemistry – for Blaine at least – and it didn’t take much longer for Blaine to realize that David saw and wanted so much more than Blaine could give him. The nicknames came from a joke after a few drinks, of what the other patrons of the bar would see when they looked at them. Blaine thought at the time he was being funny and relaxed, though it was decidedly less so when David adopted it as “their thing”. It was occasionally more awkward and embarrassing than sweet, (not to mention _my_ little cub was just wrong too possessive but different is good). But being with David was…nice. So Blaine smiled and laughed and shrugged off the things that were off about this growing thing they had. He made David feel happy; and he really liked making people happy.

They were seeing each other; boyfriends. Looking back it’s obvious to him they were a far cry from that but in the moment it was comforting. David was attentive and open and doting and always happy to see him. His arm over Blaine’s shoulder was reassuring and warm (and too heavy but different is good) and his hugs comforting and safe (too big and too much but different is good). Even the first time David awkwardly kissed him on the cheek it was okay, like platonic affection (no fireworks no sparks but different is good)

Being David’s boyfriend was a safe source of caring and warmth. It was a good situation for him while he continued to build himself up, come out of his depressive state, and work on the things he discussed every week with his therapist. Blaine still doesn’t regret the time he spent with David, he only regrets that in the end he ending up hurting him.


	3. A Good Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is a good boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during 6x03 - Oct 2014.

_A good boyfriend is honest_

Blaine had just finished the song, his fingers leaving the keys slowly as he acknowledged the atmosphere around him. He supposed that, being a sheet music store, it wasn’t entirely uncommon for people to sing or play the old piano sitting in the back corner. But for him…well besides what he’d done in the context of Warbler coach, music was still often out of reach for him, and he hadn’t performed or played for himself in ages. Well at least since he was last with Kurt…whom he had just run into. But that definitely wasn’t the reason he had encouraged Dave when he said he had errands to run. And it wasn’t the reason he had wandered to the piano and quietly sang “It’s Too Late” to himself, channeling emotion through the instrument in a way his life had been lacking for so long.

A chime startled him, and he glanced down to see the latest of apparently multiple texts from Dave.

Yogi Bear: Hey, how are things going?  
Yogi Bear: Did you find music you wanted?  
Yogi Bear: I finished shopping and made a reservation for dinner so just let me know when you want me to pick you back up.  
Yogi Bear: Do I need to change the reservation?

Blaine scrambled to respond, cursing as he saw the time.

To Yogi Bear: Sorry! I got into a heated internal debate over two albums, you know how it is :P I’m ready to be picked up! Dinner sounds great :)

Yogi Bear: That’s okay, I’ll be right over <3

With one last look at the piano, Blaine shook his head and hurried to grab something to purchase so he’d actually be ready when Dave arrived.

*

_A good boyfriend listens_

They were at the Lima Bean in line for coffee after a movie date (did he even know Dave’s coffee order?). A moment earlier they had been laughing and debating over the film’s plot twist, when suddenly Blaine saw two boys in Dalton blazers sitting at a nearby table. Suddenly everything was-

_“I know what it does to you when I win.”_

_“It’s like When Harry Met Sally.”_

_“You’re encouraged to lay it all on the line and say to somebody: ‘I’m in love with you.’”_

_“I really, really care about you.”_

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you too.”_

And it was a wave of what had been and what could have been and what should have been and god WHY was this so hard and- _shit_.

David was looking at him expectantly, slightly disappointed, as his hands drooped from where he’d been gesturing excitedly. “Hey uh-you okay?”

“Yeah! No yeah I’m sorry Dave I was just-out of it for a second.” He smiled extra wide, feeling so so guilty for daydreaming about his ex when he had a fun and caring boyfriend who had been talking to him the whole time.

Thankfully, Dave nodded, bought him a drink, and continued his passionate analysis. Blaine chanced a glance at the table; the boys had left. Just like Kurt.

Shaking his head, he focused extra-hard on Dave, being sure to nod and laugh at all the right points.

*

_A good boyfriend is devoted_

He was staying the night at Dave’s, as was fairly common now that they’d been dating a while. And he was currently lying in bed staring at the ceiling as Dave snored beside him. This too, was fairly common.

With a sigh, he extricated himself from Dave’s cuddles and shuffled into the kitchen. As he heated up some milk, Blaine leaned back in the kitchen chair and took out his phone on instinct, trying not to think of why warm milk was his go-to sleep remedy. He swiped his thumb over the home screen, a selfie of Dave and him the night of their first date. Smiling, he opened his photos app and went to choose the folder entitled ‘Yogi Bear’ before pausing, eyes drifting to another. The folder now simply labeled _Kurt_. It was like his subconscious opened it before he even chose to; one tap and suddenly his screen glowed with his happiest memories. Pictures of them singing duets, his head resting on Kurt’s shoulder, pictures from prom, from performances, from dates…one by one he viewed them and with each his heart gave a pang. He couldn’t help but smile sadly as he looked at how happy they were back when everything was simple.

He shut his phone off abruptly, dropping his face into his hands.

He shouldn’t be feeling this. Anger – sure, heartbreak and sadness or pain – understandable but longing? Regret? Desire? …love?

This was…this was…

_“This is cheating, Kurt!”_

The sound of the chair scraping tile was deafening as Blaine stood up, focusing entirely on drinking a small glass of milk before heading back to bed. Quickly closing every open app and picture, Blaine put his phone face down on the side table and burrowed back under the covers with Dave. He was just tired.

*

“So I’ve been thinking,” Dave starts out.

Blaine snorted, stretching out beside him. “You’re thinking after that? I can barely move!”

“Hey!” Dave laughed, rolling over to nudge him. “But seriously. I know how you’ve been saying how weird it is living at home again. Plus you stay over a lot anyway. So um-” Dave bit his lip, looking nervous. “I thought it might be nice if you moved in with me.”

Blaine’s entire body froze, and Dave immediately looked guilty.

“You don’t have to say yes! I just thought I’d put it out there, if you were interested. I’d really like sleeping with you every night.” He smiled, as he always did, openly and caring without a doubt or judgmental thought.

“You wouldn’t…” Blaine took a breath, “it wouldn’t be exhausting to live with me?”

“Oh boo boo,” Dave opened his arm and Blaine curled into the safety of his embrace, sniffing quietly. “I would never think that! What gave you that idea?”

_I don’t know, why don’t you ask my ex-fiancé?_

But Blaine didn’t say that; instead he shrugged and pressed his face into Dave.

“Well, take your time to think about it, but I’d definitely love for you to live with me.” Dave said quietly, rubbing Blaine’s back as he drifted to sleep in their shared warmth.

 

Dave was a good boyfriend.


	4. Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two snippets from Kurt's skype therapy sessions when he's in Ohio. I had to do some kind of reaction to Santana's rant so that's in there too.

“So I suppose we can start by talking about lashing out; expressing your anger in a way that is damaging both to you and those around you, and how it connects to your problems with intimacy. Let’s start with the easier route – anger as a defense mechanism against people that have been outright harmful.”

“Where to start?” Kurt asked sarcastically. “There’s the kids and their parents who made fun of me since I was little, the bullies in school that physically abused me and socially isolated me. The at-the-time bully who sexually assaulted me and threatened my life…I could go on.”

She finished making a note on her clipboard. “Okay, now how about people who were supposed to be on your side? Why have you needed walls or defense from them?”

“Can I just give some examples? I think there’s a lot…” At her nod he straightened up in his chair. “All the times when Rachel put herself first…even or especially at my expense. All the other times when Santana has used slurs against my appearance and personality...the fact that Puck used to throw me into dumpsters. When Blaine’s and my former glee club planned to slushy me in front of everyone. When my teachers turned a blind eye to what was happening every single day in the hallways and classrooms, and many times perpetuated the very same mindset of my bullies. Especially the fact that I was constantly told to change or tone down or that who I was wasn’t good enough.” His eyes narrowed. “Or man enough.”

“That last point reminds me of something you said earlier,” she checked her notes, “about your anger being related to how ‘men fight’. Can you tell me more about that?”

Kurt sighed. “It’s so hard to explain; I don’t mean to generalize. Because my father never preached violence, not even close. But between him and the kids and school, even the football that was always on TV…it dawned on me that men usually fought to sort out their problems. And after the initial blowup, everything afterwards moved on. My dad and I got into plenty of fights as I got older and our differences asserted themselves, but we also grew closer through them, you know?” He paused, inspecting his nails in the silence. “I couldn’t fight with my fists in the beginning against the people that were cruel to me, though now I’m more than capable. But early on I discovered I was quite good at fighting with my words. So they became my shield and my sword all in one. Sometimes my ability to lash out with words was the only thing I could hold on to when I was scared or hurt.”

His therapist nodded, sensing that was all Kurt had to offer on the subject for now. “Very good, Kurt. Now what if we relate this to the people who you love and love you back? What are you afraid of when it comes to them?”

There was a much longer pause after this question.

“I lost my mother…and at that point in my life she was the person I was closest to, and the only one who really understood me. When she died I feared I would lose my father too, because even though he did his best to take her place it was never the same. And when I grew older and realized I was gay, I was afraid I would absolutely lose him for good. And even though that fear didn’t end up coming true, he still had two more health scares later on that could have ended...um.” Kurt took another deep breath. “Then I lost my crush turned stepbrother just as we were truly getting close…” He cleared his throat several times, shaking his head to clear it. “I’ve lost and been hurt a lot in my life…but never worse from the people I care about most.” He stopped, tears running freely down his face.

“Do you ever think,” she said carefully, “that these walls you create to protect yourself from being hurt and provide a barrier for love that holds the potential to hurt…also keep your own emotions from escaping?”

“Oh.” Kurt looked up and nodded. “Yes…I do.”

She nodded knowingly. “I think that might be a root of both your relationship with intimacy and this lashing out you’ve labeled as goals to work on.”

Kurt nodded, stewing over her words for the remainder of the session.

**

“Self-centered, I’ve heard it before;” Kurt rolled his eyes and crossed his arms protectively.” “But if I had to choose I’d say…intolerable.”

“And that’s what bothered you the most, you think?” His therapist asked.

“Well that. And the fact that I still feel horrible that I ruined her engagement.” Kurt hung his head, the movement slightly delayed by the pixilation of skype.

“How do you think you would have felt if someone had done that to you?”

Kurt shook his head. “Upset, angry, wondering why I couldn’t have one moment that I’ve wanted my whole life without someone ruining it…”

“So we agree her anger was understandable. But her way of expressing that anger was toxic.”

Kurt nodded. “It hasn’t stopped the words from hurting though.”

“But you didn’t respond when she said these things?” When he shook his head she continued. “That’s a step forward – not immediately responding with your anger.” She paused. “How are you two right now?”

“Just like what usually happens,” Kurt shrugged half-heartedly. “She forgave me, I forgave her…I can’t ever forget when she says things like that though.”

The speakers on Kurt’s computer crackled as his therapist shuffled paperwork around. “Okay, so how about we go through some of what she said and reframe it. We don’t need anything else added to the negative self-talk you give yourself.”

“Okay,” Kurt sighed, “well judging my friendships with the people from that nursing home? I guess it’s a little odd but at least they’re always kind to me…and they appreciate my talent!” He laughed; “which to be honest, even with NYADA and my friends being musically inclined, isn’t something I’m used to.” Almost instantly, his face fell. “The rest of it was about Blaine… Blaine loved to talk about the civil rights movement and how we were a part of it. It made him proud!” An unconscious smile came back across his face, “I loved seeing him get excited about little things – and he was actually much more into politics than me.” He glanced back up to his laptop, where his therapist was nodding in support. “And frankly I think people are – I mean were jealous of our domestic moments…though I guess that was pointless, since I screwed it all up-”

“Ah ah ah!” She wagged her finger. “We’ve had that discussion and we’ll continue to talk about it, but right now we’re going over what Santana said to you and we’re turning it into positive thoughts.”

He took several deep breaths, looking up as his eyes grew hot. “Okay. Um. My smile…I-” Kurt cursed under his breath and wiped his cheeks. “My appearance…once I got to New York I finally started feeling comfortable with myself. Blaine always said my smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.” His voice cracked, “especially since before Blaine I didn’t have many reasons to smile…it was meeting him that changed everything.”

“Do you think he helped your barriers come down in some respects, and that’s what made you feel like you could smile?”

Kurt nodded silently. “And as for my ‘effeminate’ demeanor…just fuck that. Fuck whoever makes fun of my fashion sense. Hell, I know Vogue appreciated it! And my dance moves, they may not be the best but I’m succeeding at NYADA aren’t I? And frankly,” Kurt blushed but forced himself to stare determinately at the screen, “I am all man in the bedroom, and Blaine can absolutely attest to that. Which brings me to the point about me being sexless – not that there’s anything wrong with asexuality but I’m not, you know? And my sexuality was such a wrong thing for so long, and just because intimacy is something…frightening for me doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve to have sex or that I’m not good at it! And I’ve grown to love sex, sex with Blaine was the greatest experience I’ve ever been lucky enough to have because it meant so muchto me-” He cut himself off, exhaustion washing over him all at once as he let himself slump forward onto the desk.”

“It seems like a lot of this reframing has to do with Blaine,” her voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Is that bad?” Kurt’s voice was muffled, his face still pillowed on his arms. There as a pause, during which Kurt peeked up to see the screen.

She raised an eyebrow. “What do you think?”

“That it’s not good,” he sighed, already checking out of the conversation.

“Not good. Not good that you met somebody who inspired you to face some of your strongest fears and personal defenses? Somebody who led you to recognize your strengths and weaknesses? Somebody who gave you a reason to smile when you didn’t have one? Somebody who affected you so greatly that you’re seeking a form of self-help that will likely help you become a happier and healthier person and partner?” She couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

The session ended not long after, but the relief and hope it inspired in Kurt did not fade away, even when he drifted off to sleep without crying for the first time in days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter doesn't flow like the others do but some of them are gonna be like that depending on how my thoughts bounce around after the episode. I hope people still like it!
> 
> Takes place during October 2014.


	5. First Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reaction to The Hurt Locket Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place October 2014

“You were my first love.”

That was a good way to put it. After all, Kurt would always mean the world to him, even though they were definitively over. Done. Because first loves never lasted. Right. “We’re probably better off as…great friends.”

Mutual nods as he and Kurt kept missing eye contact and shifting where they stood. But he supposed this kind of tension, the underlying longing and nostalgia, this feeling of gravity pulling him towards Kurt was normal for exes. Right?

_Do not think about the last time you were just friends and he touched you for the first time since the break-up and when you came it was like seeing the world come back to life-_

God Kurt was beautiful but he was rubbing his hands over his thighs like when he was nervous about something.

“I’ve actually met a really nice guy online and uh, we have our first date tonight.”

_Oh._

“Oh.”

It was like all of the oxygen was sucked out of the room; his chest felt tight and his mind simply froze. He went through the motions of smiling and wishing him well. He had to because his mind was starting to race and his heart _hurt_. As if for some reason he didn’t expect this…didn’t expect Kurt to move on for both of them to move on even though they were over.

“He damn well better know that he is on a date with America’s most eligible bachelor.” Blaine smiled, hoping his pain didn’t show through and worry Kurt. Because god did he mean what he said; anybody would be lucky to have Kurt. _He_ still considered himself lucky to have been with Kurt. I mean he was still upset about everything that happened. But still.

 _Did Kurt look slightly disappointed when Blaine wished him luck on his date?_ _Does this feel like something to him too?_

The hope that observation triggered in Blaine scared him more than anything else. _I have to leave I have to leave I can’t do this in front of him._

“Uhm, I gotta go,” he mumbled out some excuse, naturally going in for a hug at the same time as Kurt. It was awkward, disjointed, and _Kurtjustwentforakiss_ and the arms that used to make him feel whole felt distant and _whywhywhy_ did this still matter so much.

*

Kurt didn’t move for a while after Blaine left in a rush. He stared at the back of the auditorium, trying desperately to stop the tidal wave of memories that threatened to overwhelm him. That earnest expression, the kindness behind his words…the stunned look that Kurt was definitely reading too far into when he brought up Walter. Just great friends. Because they were friends first and they would always be friends.

_A friend that has and will always have a piece of my soul._

_A friend I’m still in love with._

_And who I desperately want to love me too._

_I just want him to be happy._

*

Blaine sped out of the auditorium, and the second he was alone in the hallway his face crumpled. Letting his act of composure fall apart, Blaine ran to the nearest classroom and shut the door behind him. Sinking to the ground, he wrapped his arms around his knees, curled up into a ball, and sobbed. Ugly, shoulder-shaking, body contorting sobs.

_Kurt…I don’t know how I can do this._

_I can’t stop thinking about you._

_I just want to be happy._

_I am happy._

_But I want to be happy with you._


	6. Selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written as part of my victory prompts for klaine winning the e-online poll :) Prompted by therewasagirlwhowantedtofly: Blaine is learning to tell people no and put himself first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place October 2014

“So I don’t think I’m Dave’s type.” Blaine settled back comfortably on the couch.

His therapist looked taken aback. “Didn’t you say during our appointment last week that you were moving in with Dave? That you were excited and happy about it?”

“No I am!” Blaine sat up straight, eyes wide with honesty. “I am. See, we were out on a date and it was nice. We were talking about how we’ve changed, about growing up, about how we feel older and still so young all at the same time.” He smiled, relaxing again. “There happened to be one of his exes there, which was kind of awkward but he was really sweet. But then there was another, and another…and it turned out the entire place was full of his ex-boyfriends and hookups.” He laughed, rubbing his hands over his face self-consciously. “They were all these big burly guys with facial hair, not like me at all.”

“Well then, how does that make you feel?”

“I don’t know…I want to be someone he likes. I want him to be happy.”

She hummed thoughtfully. “Let’s try to shift that mindset Blaine. Remember in any relationship, romantic or otherwise, it’s okay to put your self-care and needs first. You don’t need to change yourself for anyone.”

“I just don’t want to be selfish.” Blaine sighed but nodded anyway, looking off to the side.

“Blaine…this is _your_ life. No one else’s. And you’re the one who’s going to be living it.” She looked at him kindly. “We’ll get there Blaine, we’ll get there.”

**

“How is your apartment situation coming along?”

The apartment is nice, I mean when Britt first showed it to us it was completely tacky and in your face but…I kind of tempered it at a little?” A small smile betrayed his pride, “it’s comfortable. Besides the bear cub showing up in the bedroom but you know-” he waved off her confused expression, “it was fine, don’t worry.”

“…right. So how about we talk about how it felt to redecorate; to put yourself into your own living space without apology? For your own happiness to be a priority?”

Blaine bit his lip. “At first…it made me feel kind of weird, changing things around, asking without apology, making suggestions and standing by them.”

“But now?”

“I feel better,” Blaine laughed quietly, “I feel stronger.”

**

“I just want to DO something!” Blaine was pacing across her office.

“What do you want to do, Blaine?”

He huffed angrily, “I don’t know! Dave thinks I could go to school here, my mom wants me to stay at home, my dad wants me to choose a different profession altogether, Kurt always told me to stick with NYADA-”

“That’s not what I asked you,” she interrupted. “What do YOU want to do, Blaine?”

“I guess…I don’t know. I really really love being head of the Warblers,” Blaine sat back down. “I love teaching, I love being back at Dalton. But I just feel like it’s a waste…it’s selfish to give up my education and my lessons and everything that was expected of me like this.”

“If you love what you’re doing, it’s never a waste, Blaine. And remember, you don’t have to plan your entire life. Look at what you’ve done in the past few months – it’s amazing. And if on top of that, you’re happy right now? That’s a huge victory in itself.”

**

“So Rachel asked me to throw the competition.”

“She what?” His therapist looked appalled (and rightly so, Blaine was still pretty peeved himself). “That doesn’t seem in the spirit of what you guys do.”

“Well…I suppose it _technically_ isn’t a judged competition, it’s just for fun. But still.”

“So I take it you said no?”

“Um _of course_!” He couldn’t help the sass. “And I’m not going to lie; it felt good to tell them that I was going to fight for the Warblers. For once…I didn’t have to feel terrible and responsible for their problems.” His eyebrows shot up. “But I wasn’t being mean or anything!”

“Exactly,” she said, “but you were confident in standing up for yourself and putting what you love first. Do you feel that progress?”

Blaine dipped his head. “You know…I really think I do.”

**

“That’s it, now just try that last part one more time with just a _hint_ more emotion behind it.” Blaine was sitting on the corner of his desk, bouncing his feet in time with the rhythm of Warbler Travis in front of him. He was the first of Blaine’s students to come ask for help outside of Warbler practice, and Blaine couldn’t keep the smile off of his face.

When Travis' note finally hit the proper emphasis, Blaine clapped his hands together and jumped off the desk. “That’s it! That’s exactly the kind of energy everyone in this group needs.” He clapped Travis on the shoulder and beamed as his student bounced happily on his toes.

“Thank you Mr. Anderson!” Travis gathered his bag and swung it over his shoulder, face pink with exertion.

Blaine nodded back as Travis went to leave. As his office door shut he saw another one of his Warblers, Gabe, waiting for Travis with a shy smile on his face. Blaine hurried to busy himself with papers on his desk, biting his lip to keep from giggling. _We all have girlfriends my ass._ He grabbed his phone to send a text.

 **To Yogi Bear:** You’ll never guess who picked up Travis after our extra session?  
**To Yogi Bear:** Mr. “How Dare You! I have a girlfriend!” hehe

 **From Yogi Bear:** You called that one! Are they cute together?

 **To Yogi Bear:** Super cute. Maybe I’ll assign them a duet together!

 **From Yogi Bear:** That is so you. I never got the whole express your love through song thing :P

Blaine shook his head in amusement, settling back in his chair to wait for the remainder of his office hours. Without thinking, he thumbed over to Kurt’s message thread then hesitated. But then he remembered that if he wanted to be friends with Kurt (which he did), he could put himself out there. And if it was too much for Kurt, it was Kurt’s responsibility to say so. He couldn’t feel guilty about his happiness or his place in life, and if he thought about it, he was finally at a place where he didn’t.

 **To Kurt:** I think two of my Warblers may have a secret thing for each other…any subtle duet ideas?

He pressed send, feeling a fluttering of nerves. But soon afterwards his phone chimed with another message.

 **From Kurt:** I think we might have something brewing in New Directions too! They did a mashup of Will You Love Me Tomorrow and Head Over Feet and it was rather telling ;)

 **To Kurt:** Ahhh a mashup, good choice. I’ll have to come up with one for next week.

 **From Kurt:** Good luck (but not too much!)

 **To Kurt:** Thanks :)

Leaning back in his desk chair, Blaine switched back over to text Dave about their plans for dinner with a smile. He was head of the Warblers, good at his job, liked by his students, in a nice easy relationship with his boyfriend, and on the road to healing his relationship with his ex-fiancé.

Blaine Anderson was happy.


	7. Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reaction to 6x05 in three acts - before, during, and after the kiss. Includes victory prompt for winning the e-online poll - "Kurt/Blaine + faculty bathroom" (though I'm sorry it's only a little bit!). Also includes the kind-of prompt from babyblainers "Blaine witnesses the love story between those two warblers and is reminded of him and Kurt when they met".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First act switches POV, Second act is kind of a neutral POV, Third act is Blaine POV. Takes place October 2014.

**ACT I – The Elevator**

*Kurt*

Blaine strode out of the faculty bathroom looking pleased with himself as Kurt walked by, his presence immediately filling Kurt when genuine happiness. On a whim, he asked Blaine to walk to the auditorium, and not only did he say yes, (I’d _love_ to, in fact), but it was like the old days when they would fall into step as easy as breathing. Though he reminded himself that he couldn’t read too far into Blaine’s smile, everything was looking up. Kurt nodded as Blaine chatted excitedly about his boys’ performance and making small talk about the competition.

And then the doors shut, the lights flickered and went out, and Blaine gasped in fear. Instinctively, Kurt’s hand sought out Blaine’s, squeezing it quickly but releasing him as soon as the lights went back on. Their initial confusion and panic quickly led to annoyance as each of Kurt’s plans for escape were to no avail (you’d think that two former cheerios would be able to investigate the ceiling for loose tiles or air vents or something). Blaine in particular tended to go more towards panic and anger in situations like this, and Kurt so desperately wanted to cradle those fingers that pressed the emergency button over and over again, to be able to call him out when he started banging against the door and calm him down.

_“You can’t charge your phone every night, I’ve told you a hundred times.”_

And it brings back so many memories of nagging, of teasing, of loving reminders, of banter, of the domesticity that could be the best or the bane of Kurt’s existence. He needed to get out of here; it hurt to be this close to Blaine while also being the farthest he’d ever felt from the love of his life.

Blaine returned from the fake elevator’s bathroom, looking put-out.

“No exit in the bathroom, I take it?” Kurt asked from where he was trying to get comfortable leaning up against the wall.

“No,” Blaine pouted glumly, “plus this bathroom is nowhere near as nice as the faculty one.”

Kurt pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. “Alright, I know you’re dying to. Give me the low-down on the grown-up bathroom.” He nodded as Blaine waxed on about _those super cool dryers you put your hands into_ and _definitely better lighting and a larger mirror_ for several minutes. But then things just got weirder.

Curse Sue Sylvester.

Their “kiss” was as pretend as it could get, inches apart from each other with Kurt leaning in and away as quickly as possible. He was determined not to do anything to Blaine that made him uncomfortable. Though evidently Sue wasn’t taking any of that into consideration as her doll rolled away unsatisfied and the elevator doors remained closed.

 

*Blaine*

When the elevator locked them in, Blaine had been frustrated, nervous and scared – he so didn’t want to deal with this right now when he should be with the Warblers. But Blaine was HORRIFIED by the puppet, like scarred-for-life traumatized. Kurt just looked confused – and he was the one who was supposed to be more scared of horror movies! After some nervous pacing and an admittedly delicious picnic, Blaine needed a distraction so he would stop shooting glances at the spot where the puppet came from. He folded the blanket back into the heart-shaped basket. “Well it looks like we’re going to be here a while…do you want to play a game or something?”

Looking back, the time that went the fastest while they were in the elevator was playing that game, just relaxing and having fun. Immediately falling into their special comradery, their connection that seemed to defy anything they’d been through. They traded glances with so much warmth and meaning it was as if the elevator was all there was. No breakup, no end of engagement, no bittersweet past, no other men, no choir rivalry, just Kurt and Blaine. Everything was wonderful; they had so many stories and memories passing back and forth, even the mention of the first Christmas after their first break-up was brought up without a hint of sadness. And then there were the other memories, the ones that did hit a little closer to home

_“We’ll be the next Neil and David!”_

_They laughed and tripped a bit, tipsy with drinks and being happy and carefree and in love._

_“Yeah! And we’ll have all these, so many babies, and-and we’ll name them all cool names!”_

_“Oooh yeah and the magazines will be jealous of how special and fashionable they are!”_

_“What should we name them?”_

_“Uhhh uhhh-” Blaine was looking around and his eyes fell on their dinner plates. “Fettuccine!”_

_Kurt almost spat out his drink. “Like the pasta?!”_

_“Yeah!” Blaine’s face lit up. “Fettucine Alfredo! It’s perfect…”_

_“Perfect.” Kurt giggled, “I love you.”_

But then of course Blaine brought up Dave – not even thinking, in hindsight, how it would instantly kill the mood and make Kurt feel uncomfortable. He felt guilty, not because something brought Dave to mind instead of Kurt, but for accidentally making Kurt feel worse in an already undesirable situation.

There were no more games after that. But between their nerves over the invitational and the drop in initial adrenaline at being locked in a fake elevator, both boys had begun to get tired. It was Blaine that suggested they take naps in shifts, because seriously he hadn’t been joking about how scared he was of that stupid puppet. He carefully hung his jacket and bowtie over the elevator railing, pulling his feet in and humming quietly. Blaine tried to distract himself by going over the Warbler’s routine, but after a while that just made him feel worse, knowing his boys didn’t have him there for support. He found himself glancing at where Kurt was curled up, face relaxed in a way that only he had been privy to…he was so beautiful when he was asleep.

Letting his head hang, Blaine sniffed his shirt delicately. _Yeesh._ He hoped their friendship, still tentative and delicate, would still be in place when they got out.

 

*Kurt*

Kurt quickly grew bored during his “watch”, and once he got tired of running through lesson plans to bring up to Rachel he took out a napkin and unconsciously began to fold it into a paper airplane. Every so often he chanced a look at where Blaine was sprawled out on the floor, one knee up and arms spread out. So unlike how they used to sleep together; Blaine was always cuddling, always close and warm…what Kurt wouldn’t give to have that back. He’d never take him or anything he gave him for granted again.

But he’d lost that chance.

Luckily, Blaine had woken up before they were visited yet again by the Sue puppet, which was now threatening some kind of lust-inducing gas. Thankfully, they would later learn this particular threat was a bluff and in fact was dry ice stolen from the stores of one of Mr. Shue’s more dramatic auditorium performances. But in the moment, all Kurt could do was his best to maintain a stoic face at Blaine’s complete rejection – understandable rejection – but still painful. Kurt rubbed his thumb against his hand over and over. The thought that sex, passion, intimacy between them was of the past, something Blaine not only could no longer feel but outwardly didn’t want…it killed him.

_“I just want to go home.”_

Home. Home to Karofsky…Dave. Because Kurt wasn’t Blaine’s home anymore. When he had brought Dave up earlier it felt like poison creeping into their moment, a reminder that Blaine had moved on.

And, as it turns out, Blaine was done.

Last time they were like this, in this in-between state, with the knowledge of lovers but confined to being friends…Kurt was in charge. He was the one who drew the lines, determined when to indulge and when to back away. But now, Blaine was one setting the boundaries. This time it was Kurt hearing that Blaine, the man he loved, was desperately seeking confirmation that they could kiss and have it mean nothing. His breath caught in his throat as they shuffled forward on their knees; Blaine was doing this because he _had_ to, while Kurt _wanted_ to…god did he want to kiss Blaine.

 

**ACT II – The Kiss**

The kiss was careful, the kiss was tentative.

The kiss was electric, the kiss was passionate.

The kiss was nothing. The kiss was everything.

*

“Because Sue is forcing us.”

“ _Forcing_ us _._ ”

_Why was it that those words sounded more forced than anything else?_

Their eye contact was both reassuring and hesitant before leaning forward, just their lips touching at first.

Blaine was the one that broke the impersonality, the mirage, as his hand came up to gently caress and cradle Kurt’s neck. It was only then that Kurt gave in to the feelings singing through his blood. He rubbed Blaine’s shoulder and upper back as though it was the only outlet for Kurt to pour his love through every last touch he was allowed. Their mouths opened, giving them a chance to break away, but neither of them even considered the possibility. Another kiss, Kurt’s shoulder rolling into Blaine and Blaine leaning so far forward their chests were practically touching. Their kiss was a fluid give and take, tongues searching and open mouths and Blaine’s nose pressed against Kurt’s cheek. This was not a kiss for show. This was one of _their_ kisses. They were relearning each other, gasping and leaning into the embrace like they were starved for something only the other could give.

Kurt felt hope. Cruel, crushing hope as Blaine didn’t hold himself back. Kurt could have broken off and started sobbing at simply the touch of Blaine’s fingers. His ex-fiancé could have made it quick and impersonal, but he leaned into the kiss like nothing was broken.

Blaine felt relief because despite everything, Kurt tasted the same and moved the same…they fit together the same. Everything was right.

Kurt felt pain. Because despite how well their bodies danced and how quickly the two of them fell into place, there were small signs of Blaine having moved on. His tongue was more forceful, his lips hesitated briefly in the beginning…it was because of someone else. The one someone he didn’t want to think about kissing Blaine.

Blaine felt terrified because he liked Dave and their relationship and the beginnings of a home together. Dave’s kisses could be hot and heavy, could be sweet and goofy, or chaste and comforting. But a kiss from Kurt, even this one kiss that was supposed to mean nothing, awakened every nerve in his body. Sweet spots he thought had been satisfied cried out for attention. Hearing Kurt loved him and wanted him back was hard. Seeing Kurt loved him and wanted him back was hard. Feeling, through that kiss, that Kurt loved him and wanted him back…that was impossible to ignore.

Kurt felt overwhelming sadness because kissing Blaine was the spark, the embrace, the love he needed in his life…but it would also be the last time. Because Blaine wasn’t his anymore. It wasn’t a kiss goodnight, good morning, or see you later. If wasn’t a kiss just to say I love you –and god did he even take advantage of that when he could? And it wasn’t a kiss to lead to more kisses and beautiful heated touches and glorious release. It was a kiss goodbye.

They both fought off a wave of lust, because no matter whom they were with or who was crushing on whom, kissing the most stunning man either of them had ever known and having that man know everything about you and your body was unavoidably enticing. Every thought flew from their minds. Of New York, of Dalton, of McKinley, of NYADA, of Dave, of Sue, of the New Directions, of the Warblers, of the engagement, of “I will never forgive you for this”.

Breaking apart was the most heartbreaking moment, the connection between them rubbed raw and vulnerable.

_You take my breath away_

Blaine could tell the look on his face was shocked and desperate, as if something precious had been taken from him. He felt like the protective layers in front of his eyes, heart and mind had been ripped away. The carefully crafted illusion that he had moved on from Kurt was gone. _Why did this happen?_ But he knew this would happen; the reason he had been avoiding Kurt as anything but a friend was because he didn’t know if he could pick himself up again if he went through what he did that fateful day in the restaurant. He had settled for an easy, happy existence lacking the extremes that living with Kurt often entailed. But god when Kurt leaned in and their lips connected and breath passed between them and Kurt’s strong but gentle hand caressed his shoulder…he was done for. Even in those short seconds in the elevator there was just a certainty, a knowing of another person that was impossible with anyone but Kurt. Just like that time in the Dalton choir room. Blaine’s truth; Kurt was Blaine’s soulmate.

Kurt schooled his face into what he hoped was a blank slate. He felt…dead, resigned even, because he had known how kissing Blaine would make him feel. Lips and breath and heat and _blaineblaineblaine_ , everything he wanted but no longer had any right to. Every part of his soul screamed to lean forward again, wrap himself around Blaine and never let go. But instead he tried his best to forcibly shove his heart and feelings behind his armor where they belonged, and do anything but look at Blaine’s emotions displayed openly on his face, wearing his heart on his sleeve as always.

The _ding_ of the elevator didn’t even register for a moment or two, their freedom only dawning on the boys when they wrenched their gaze away from each other. As soon as they ran out of the elevator, throwing their layers back on as best they could, each went into their own mindset.

_Got to get to the Warblers, apologize, ask how they did._

_Got to find Rachel, kill her for not noticing I was gone, make sure the New Directions are ready to preform, if I haven’t missed them already._

They finally reached the auditorium, heads spinning and trying to catch up with what happened to the rest of the world while they were in their elevator. Kurt was immediately snatched up by Rachel to support their performing newbies, her concern quickly taken over by their role as teachers.

But before they separated there was one last moment, a connection maintained by Blaine’s hand lingering on Kurt’s arm. Unspoken words passed between them, acknowledgment that something had happened, something they should talk about later. Blaine returned to his seat, shooing away the Warbler’s concern as to not distract from his swirling thoughts about Kurt. And during the New Directions’ performance, as Kurt sought out his eyes and smiled, honest and happy, it was clear Blaine wasn’t the only one still thinking about their kiss.

 

**ACT III – The Competition**

“In third place, and just not doing a very good job at all…from Dalton Academy, the Warblers.”

“What?!” Blaine fumed, appalled at Sue’s decision and feeling immensely guilty that he hadn’t been there to support his boys. What if he could have given them a pep talk or pointers that would have made a difference? Not to mention that now he wasn’t in the position to give them notes to improve either. But his own feelings had to be put aside; Travis was already crying (with Gabe giving a not-so-subtle look around before going to comfort him) and Tristan was currently taking the news better than Blaine was, so as coach he had to toughen up, offer congratulations, and move forward. But it didn’t stop him from biting his lip and rolling his eyes in frustration. This was not how he thought today would go.

*

Practice the next day was morose; it was a struggle to even get the warm-ups sounding right. Blaine ended up sending the boys out early, trying to sound energetic and positive about coming up with potential songs for their first competition with _real_ judges. He managed to keep a bright, albeit slightly strained smile on his face until he stepped into his office. Exhaling, he let his head fall into his hands. It figures, both he and Mr. Schuester had underestimated the New Directions…and what he told Rachel and Kurt would happen to their team was now hanging over his boys’ heads.

Blaine picked up himself up curiously upon hearing someone quietly crying from their rehearsal room. Peeking through his barely-open office door, he saw the back of what must be Travis’ head over the couch. The freshman clearly hadn’t gotten over the loss. Blaine began to prepare a pretty solid pep talk in his head when the door to the rehearsal room opened and Gabe walked into the room.

“What are you doing here?” Travis sniffed, looking around before turning his attention to Gabe.

Gabriel’s mouth twitched in amusement. “You seriously don’t think I noticed when you turned back from the group saying you forgot something? I don’t think you give me enough credit for how well I know you.”

“Yeah, well…” Travis mumbled.

With a sigh, Gabriel sat down next to him on the couch. Blaine leaned closer to the door to continue listening, having forgone manners in his delight over the couple.

“Look I’m really bummed out about the loss too, Trav. But it wasn’t even a real competition and-”

“I know!” He rubbed his eyes. “I just…my parents of course are using this as fuel for their ‘show choir is a waste of time’ campaign. And I know Mr. Anderson was really disappointed…I wanted him to be proud. And I don’t know…everyone’s just so sad.”

He slumped forward so Blaine couldn’t see him anymore, although he smiled as Gabe put an arm over Travis. “I know things aren’t great right now with glee club and everything, but at least it gives us more time to spend together, right?”

It felt like Blaine’s stomach was squeezing itself to death as a familiar memory replayed itself as clear as day.

_I just really, really wanted to win._

_You did win. So did I. We got each other out of all this. That’s better than a lousy trophy, don’t you think?_

Blaine quickly pushed himself back from the door, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around the sudden hole in his center.

_Kurt_

Glancing back at the rehearsal room, he saw the boys share the gentlest of kisses before standing up and leaving together, dropping their clasped hands before opening the door.

After waiting one minute, then two just in case, Blaine quietly walked out into the room and went over to the table. The table where he had shared his first kiss with Kurt. Back then, with just his hand on top of Kurt’s, his breath on his cheek, the taste of his lips…it had been earth-shattering. And it still was. That moment in the elevator, however bizarre the situation that inspired it had been, had snapped him out of his comfort zone, shook him with a reminder, and awoken him to possibility.

His thoughts were interrupted as his phone started buzzing. He fished in his jacket pocket, preparing to silence it because he just didn’t feel up to talking with Dave right-

It was Kurt.

Hesitating only for a second, Blaine hit accept.

“Hey Kurt.”

“Hi Blaine.” He didn’t sound awkward or regretful, which filled Blaine with relief. He sounded genuine, like when he had asked if Blaine wanted to walk with him before the elevator incident. “How did your practice today go?”

Blaine sighed, “Well, you know.” He sighed, “Only one of them cried?”

He didn’t have to hear Kurt’s reaction to see him wince. “For what it’s worth, Rachel said your boys put on a much more relatable and less overdone performance than Vocal Adrenaline.”

“Well, thanks for small victories I guess,” Blaine replied, with (he hoped) only a hint of sulking in his voice.

_I know what that does to you, when I win._

“Well I’m not going to lie; I think that Invitational may have saved our glee club’s existence, let alone morale. So I can’t say I’m not pleased. But I’m looking forward to Sectionals; if anyone can teach those Warblers it’s you Blaine. You’re a natural leader.”

Blaine blushed, biting his lip when he remembered who he was supposed to be blushing for. “Thank you, Kurt.”

“No problem.” Blaine could hear the smile in Kurt’s voice – the one that showed his teeth, the one that Blaine loved. “I wanted to thank you as well, for coming to see Sue with me.”

“Oh, of course!” Blaine shook his head and leaned against the table. “She’s acting weirder than usual these days.”

Kurt hummed his assent. “And I just want you to know…I have nothing to do with her bizarre attempts at manipulation. Um, what I told you that night in Scandals…it’s true. And, um, it will always be true.” Kurt cleared his throat. “But first and foremost I want you to be happy Blaine, and I would never do anything to jeopardize that.”

Blaine exhaled in an almost laugh, looking up at the ceiling to prevent the tears he felt hovering behind his eyes from falling. “I know.” The words came out as a choked whisper.

There was a pause, pregnant with the same vibrating, unsure, yet passionate energy that had been between them before the elevator doors opened.

“…Blaine?”

“Yeah?” Blaine answered too quickly.

“Would you want to grab a coffee and catch up sometime, just us? As friends, obviously.”

Blaine smiled, “I would love that.”

“Great,” Kurt’s relief was evident. “So I’ll see you soon?”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

After trading a few last pleasantries and hanging up, Blaine let himself fall onto the very couch his Warbler lovebirds had been on just earlier. It felt like butterflies were dancing all throughout his body, and Blaine sighed happily out loud. With one last glance around the room and all the stories it held, Blaine left to think about the past…and his future.


	8. Limbo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late reaction to What the World Needs Now, told from two points of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place October 2014

**Tristan**

Warbler Tristan had a bone to pick with Mr. Anderson.

It wasn’t his set list choices, the fact that he was barely older than them, the rumor that he had failed out of NYADA, or his evident struggle not to jump on furniture during their performances.

No, none of that. He actually thought Mr. Anderson was a fantastic teacher.

It was that for a coach, he ran the strangest schedule Tristan could imagine, especially considering his tendencies towards being a perfectionist. This week alone he had told them with little to no explanation that he had been trapped in an elevator during the Invitational, causing him to miss the Warblers’ performance as well as their pre and post- show rituals he had insisted upon. He had also delegated practice to Tristan and cancelled his office hours twice. During which times he performed at their competitor’s school – _with_ the competition – for a friend’s engagement (understandable) and to encourage another friend to follow their dreams (admirable, even if corny and a bit odd). And earlier this month Tristan could have sworn that he heard Mr. Anderson mention something about teaching piano to one of the New Directions’ co-leaders. Not that he had any doubts about Mr. Anderson’s loyalty. It was just strange. If he hadn’t been a former alumni of both schools Tristan would be more concerned.

Today Mr. Anderson was actually at practice (shocker, considering the past couple of weeks). But Tristan was nothing but observant, and even when Mr. Anderson was at Dalton he wasn’t _entirely_ here. Underneath his Dalton Man Persona, Mr. Anderson looked…well kind of terrible. He had bags under his eyes, he was often glancing at his phone or frantically texting, and when he thought no one was paying attention his smile dropped and he would look confused and upset. Tristan hoped it wasn’t a result of their loss, Mr. Anderson was far too optimistic for that, but the other guys would pick up on his mood if they hadn’t already. As the Warblers’ soloist, it was Tristan’s job to help with the morale of the team, and he didn’t want any of them to take it personally.

Part of him wondered if it was something else entirely…he could have sworn that the male co-director of the New Directions looked familiar, maybe from one of the photos or videos they had reviewed of previous Warblers? Importance of glee club aside, perhaps some research was in order. He usually disliked interference in personal affairs, but if it was for the greater good of the Warblers, he’s sure Mr. Anderson would understand.

*

**Kurt**

The party was actually a really good time, which was a happy surprise for Kurt. Mr. Shue was beaming, choir rivalry forgotten in the joy of reunion with his former students, and took great pride in showing off his son to everyone who walked by his bouncy chair. Daniel was giggling and wiggling the whole night, much to everyone’s enjoyment, especially Kitty’s. Who knew that the girl who claimed to hate everyone and everything would love babies so much? More than once Kurt saw Artie wheel over to her to share a plate of food or to laugh about something, it would be interesting to see if that coupling was something either of them would revisit.

Santana and Brittany were glowing at the center of attention, the former calmed as always by the presence of her fiancée. Kurt was worried at first that it would be hard celebrating their engagement, reminding him of the wedding he should have been planning. But amazingly, it wasn’t hard at all. Ironically, Kurt could pinpoint the crazy elevator kidnapping for when things started getting easier. His love for Blaine and pain at what he had lost was still very much present, but he felt more comfortable and confident with the knowledge that their connection was intact. With his safety net slowly repairing, it was much easier for Kurt to enjoy his friends’ happiness. Soon enough, he hoped, his faith in his own potential for love would be restored as well.

His one other concern about the night was the potentially awkward dynamic between Sam, Mercedes, and Rachel. But incredibly, though Sam and Rachel did spend time on the couch talking just to each other, the three of them seemed fine. Kurt sat next to Rachel, chatting to Mercedes on the opposite couch about tour life and drawing the three of them together with stories from back when they all lived in New York.

The one glaring omission from the party was Blaine, and while Kurt wasn’t overly surprised when he wasn’t on time for appetizers and the beginning toasts, he definitely wondered around the end of dinner if Blaine simply wasn’t coming. He began to worry if the elevator incident, despite Blaine’s claims of being fine and it not changing anything, was having the opposite effect on him than it did Kurt.

The knock came not long after, and Kurt hurried to answer it, as he was the only one tuned in to the possibility of…

 _Blaine_.

Looking adorable yet with an air of sadness about him, Blaine nonetheless went in for a hug. It was another sign of how far they had come that it was no longer awkward between them. It just felt so good to have Blaine in his arms again, even if for a short (and still bittersweet) moment. Kurt let his hand linger a moment on Blaine’s shoulder and was relieved at Blaine’s grateful expression. God, he could still read him so easily, and the mutual understanding that passed between them in that moment made it clear it wasn’t just him. All too soon, Blaine turned away, put on his “people face” and walked towards Santana and Brittany with sparkling cider in hand.

Determined to be polite, Kurt leaned out the door, waiting for the conspicuous presence of Karofsky and thankful at least that he didn’t arrive arm-and-arm with Blaine. However, when Kurt glanced around and didn’t see anyone, he put two and two together with Blaine’s sadness and lack of lingering at the door.

_Holy shit._

Kurt couldn’t help the surge of surprise and hope in his heart as he quietly closed the door. He watched Blaine for a moment, concern winning over intrigue as he watched him smile and laugh in greeting despite the heavy look in his eyes. He didn’t want Blaine to be unhappy, he never did…but the chance that Karofsky may no longer be contributing to his happiness – Kurt would be lying if he denied feeling slightly giddy. For now though, he would keep his excitement a secret. Blaine knew where he stood and when he was ready to tell him about Dave ( _when he was ready to forgive Kurt and maybe, just maybe give him another chance?_ )Kurt would be ready. Biting his lip, Kurt headed back to the living room to socialize with his family of misfits and celebrate the love between Santana and Brittany. And when Blaine’s smile reached his eyes as he handed Kurt a glass of cider, Kurt allowed himself to imagine, for the first time since that fateful dinner, about another party in the future. One where this limbo would finally be over, he would join hands with Blaine, and never let him go for as long as they both would live.


	9. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reaction to Transitioning (I'll probably write more based on this episode at a later point)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place October 2014

Blaine strode out of the choir room with a bounce in his step, shaking his head happily. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face; leave it to Kurt to get what he wanted – and what he wanted was _him_. Never one to accept fate, Kurt had zigged and zagged and completely cheated on the “wheel of musical fortune” so that he could sing with Blaine. And he had been so coy in the moment with his innocent “Oh, Huh,” and those kissable lips which Blaine was absolutely _not_ thinking about. At all.

_This duet would just be an excuse…to spend more time with you._

“I thought for sure that wheel was going to land on Artie’s name.” Kurt came up from behind him with a twinkle in his eye.

Blaine easily fell into step with Kurt, playing along. “Yeah! What are the odds?” He joked, knowing that both of them were well aware the duet was fixed.

“But you’re totally cool with singing with me, right? I understand if you’re not.” Kurt’s voice never faltered but his eyes betrayed the seriousness behind the question, genuine concern for Blaine’s comfort.

Blaine’s playful happiness took a brief hit at the idea of them never singing together again. If there was one thing he’d learned after the elevator incident (kiss aside), it was that he wanted…no, needed Kurt in his life. “No! I really want to.” He fumbled through his excuses about Dave, (really, who was he trying to convince?) “He thinks there’s still something between us. Which there obviously…isn’t.”

“ _Obviously_.”

Kurt didn’t hide his sarcasm, and Blaine could have sworn he saw a hint of frustration in Kurt’s face, but thankfully he didn’t challenge the silence and the moment passed. Blaine immediately started throwing out duet options, inwardly grateful as Kurt nodded along despite the elephant in the room about what exactly _was_ between them. His mind buzzing and emotions excited, Blaine did the first thing that came to mind. He hurried forward and gave Kurt a hug, resting his chin on his shoulder briefly just to show how okay he was with them singing a duet as friends. Close friends.

“I’ll call you!” He strode off, already going through the ‘Kurt and I would sound amazing on this’ playlist in his head (yes, he had one).

*

“And then I swear I panicked. My first thought was to cover my eye, like _NO NOT AGAIN!_ ”

“Oh honey-”

“I know! Hey that kinda thing will traumatize you. Lack of pain aside though the eggs were so slimy and disgusting…ugh, I’m not sure it was that much better than the freezing slushie.”

“God that’s terrible Blaine…I swear what is it with Vocal Adrenaline and eggs?”

“Wait, what? – oh my god Jesse St. James, right?”

“Uh-huh,” Kurt lay back on his bed with a groan. “What a disaster that entire thing was.”

Blaine made a face of disgust at his ceiling. “Well hopefully Mr. Shue will inspire them to change their ways.”

There was a beat before they both burst out laughing, having to rest their phones down to recover.

Kurt shook his head, bringing his phone back up to his ear. “God we’re horrible people.”

“Hey, their track record speaks for itself.”

Kurt hummed in agreement. “Oh by the way, very insightful help with the whole “letting go of your childhood and embracing adulthood” moment with Rachel today. I think this lesson is definitely going to help her.”

Blaine smiled, feeling the warmth of Kurt’s thanks. “No problem. My therapist tends to have words of wisdom for almost everything.”

“I hear you. They’re great for that, aren’t they?”

They fell into comfortable silence, basking in the simplicity of just…talking. It was moments like these that had always brought them closer together, regardless of their relationship.

Kurt snuggled around Bruce 2.0 and chanced a glance at the clock in his room. “Oh my god has it really been two hours?”

Blaine rolled over and looked upside down at his alarm clock. “Ha! I guess so. Well, time flies.”

Kurt smiled sadly, happy that Blaine couldn’t see him. “So it does.”

Blaine cleared his throat. “Alright. Duet ideas…did you have a preference for something up tempo? Slow?”

“I’m up for whatever you want!” _Though preferably not something that makes me want to tear my heart out of my chest because of how much I love you._

“Kay, let me just get out my list.”

Kurt buried his face into Bruce. Of course Blaine had a list.

“Alright…hmm, no, ehh, maybe…oh! There’s this song that I found on the show choir blogs a while back and pegged as a good duet option. Have you heard of Betty Who?”

“Oh!” Kurt beamed, “Somebody Loves You?” Kurt wanted to simultaneously hug himself and bang his head against the wall. He could practically see the soft smile in Blaine’s eyes as he confirmed the song and exclaimed how perfect it would be for the two of them. The ball may be in Blaine’s court with regards to their future, but mixed messages like this made Kurt desperately curious as to what exactly was going on in his head.

“Sounds perfect,” Kurt said instead. “Do you want to come over tomorrow and practice?”

“Okay! I’ll see you then. Goodnight Kurt.”

“Goodnight Blaine.” He hung up the phone and allowed himself a moment of silliness, kicking his feet before rolling over and smiling into his pillow.

_Somebody loves you_

*

Their duet was phenomenal, and Kurt had no problem saying so. It was just like old times, flirty and playful and sexy…it was just so much fun sharing the stage with Blaine.

_Who’s around when the days feel long  
Who’s around when you can’t be strong_

He couldn’t help but wonder if Blaine had listened to these lyrics…if he’d thought about him when he chose and practiced to it.

_Somebody misses you when you’re away  
They wanna wake up with you everyday_

They danced with and around each other, leaning into a shared space as they sang their hearts out. It was as natural as breathing.

_I’m around when your head is heavy  
I’m around when your hands aren’t steady_

Maybe Kurt was seeing things, he would ask later, but those looks that Blaine was giving him…that could not possibly be acting. Kurt certainly wasn’t holding anything back himself.

_Why don’t you come on over  
Why don’t you lay me down_

_Ooh somebody loves you_

After receiving an enthusiastic round of applause, Kurt walked Blaine outside, since he apparently had an early morning or something with Karofsky. But even knowing that he couldn’t stop smiling as Blaine fawned over their duet (I thought we sounded _incredible_ ) – even comparing it to their first (and in Kurt’s opinion, most memorable) duet.

“Do you remember what it was?”

_Is the sky blue? Are you my soulmate?_

But Kurt decided to tease him. “No I’m blanking…” he tried to joke but Blaine’s upset puppy eyes quickly had him giving in. He found himself confessing about how much he’d felt for Blaine during those early days, when Blaine was blissfully oblivious to the love behind their friendship. How he just wanted and felt so much. How in that moment during the song he was *this* close…

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way.”

_Were they still talking about the past?_

The energy, the connection between them was so overpowering; Blaine’s beautiful eyes were shining with love and focused on his own. Was it the alcohol? The song? The performance high? Or was it just…them? Kurt’s heart ached, even in the familiarity of their reminiscing.

“It’s funny, how someone can mean so much to you at one point in time, but then a couple years go by and-”

Without a beat, a warning, or any hint of uncertainty or denial, Blaine leaned forward and kissed him.

As always, Kurt’s breath left him as Blaine leaned into the kiss and grasped Kurt’s waist. Kurt caught Blaine’s bicep, surprised but reveling in the sparks flying between them. As Blaine pulled back, Kurt braced himself for any kind of reaction. But what he didn’t expect was a mere glimpse of Blaine’s confusion and panic before he practically ran off without another word. He stared after him, hoping for even a glance backward…but nothing.

*

Even long after the fact, Blaine had no memory from the moment he stepped out of their (now Dave’s?) apartment to when he arrived at McKinley. Running down the hallway was another blur; breathless in his focus on _Kurt Kurt getting to Kurt I have to tell Kurt I love you I love you_.

Everything came into focus when he saw Kurt alone in the choir room, putting on his jacket and lighting up upon seeing Blaine. This was it.

But then-

It was as if his surroundings were crushing him, like he couldn’t breathe.

“Of course. _The_ Blaine. Always nice to put a face to the name.”

But the words and what they implied flew over his head. He only saw this man (so old so wrong for Kurt) going on a double date with his friends and the man he loved. Were he and Kurt seriously doomed to miss each other like this forever? He was ready. He had accepted that he loved Kurt and would always love Kurt. That they both had problems, ones that wouldn’t just go away, but they were working on them and could work on them together.

He waved the group off with a lie and strained politeness, trying to hold it together. He stood still in the empty choir room, regret and hurt turning his insides to lead. He glanced up, a habit from when he was younger despite having long since lost faith in any kind of god. But seriously, what did life have against him?

*

But what he didn’t know, what he couldn’t have known until later, was that it was a friendly date.

That they all were friendly dates.

That Kurt always spent more time talking about Blaine than anything or anyone else.

That this particular date involved a great deal of Kurt worrying over Blaine, because he “looked upset when we left”.

That in fact, life was simply waiting until the opportune moment for everything to set itself right again.


	10. At Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last! A wedding reaction fic! (no but seriously it was so hard trying to do my boys' wedding justice! here's hoping I accomplished the task)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Blaine get married in November 2014, Kurt is 21 ;)

Act I – Here Comes the Groom(s)

Kurt and Blaine were in a lighthearted, excited bubble enjoying the hours leading up to Santana and Brittany’s wedding. Catching up with former glee members, making bets on who would get drunk first, and, incredibly, being boyfriends again. Holding hands, casual touches, the occasional kiss…every single moment was _safety_ and _home_ and everything they thought was lost to them forever. From goofy pictures together to moments simply observing the hustle of the guests, they had no idea that every second of this day would be one of the best of their lives. (A recreation of ‘American Gothic’ was definitely not what either would have imagined for their pre-wedding picture).

It was, of all people, Sue Sylvester who prepared the stage, corralling them into a room with the brides. But it was Brittany’s sweet pleas that actually set the ball rolling. She made puppy dog eyes at them from where she was cuddling the two suits, and Kurt’s breath caught as he realized what she was suggesting. And oh sweet Blaine, obvious to what was going on, looking back and forth between them in confusion.

The moments leading up to Sue’s question – _do we have two grooms? –_ were all a blur. Kurt didn’t remember when Sue, Brittany, and Santana left the room to let them talk. He just remembered Blaine’s stunned expression when the reality of the opportunity set in.

“These last few months without you have been really…”

 _Terrible? Lonely? Heartbreaking?_ Kurt’s eyes grew wider and wider, his heart racing with excitement at Blaine’s flustered rambling. His mind spun with _what if_ and _but_ and other wordless possibilities. But louder than it all was his heart screaming for him to seize the moment and choose his one and only love. Forever.

His dad’s words, Carole’s words, still hung in the air between them. _“Finn taught me that.”_

God…Finn should be here, should be marrying Rachel…so many mistakes and should-haves in life and they were still so young. Losing Blaine had almost been his biggest mistake – twice.

_“You just have to take every second of every day…just wring every last bit out of it.”_

With Blaine’s hands in his own, every fear and every anxiety-ridden thought just flew away until all that was left was a resounding _yes_. He was ready.

“but-”

“…but what?” Kurt held his breath, waiting for the words.

But they didn’t come. Blaine exhaled with an almost-cry, shaking his head in confusion. “I just…love you. So much. But I don’t know what to do. I don’t-”

Kurt shushed him gently. “Blaine. When you proposed to me, you sang ‘all you need is love’,” he took a shaky inhale and felt Blaine’s forehead press against him. Taking strength from his breath Kurt whispered; “I wanted to believe that was true and I think you did too."

Blaine pulled back so he could look at Kurt, his eyes sad and confused.

"But that's not how life works. Or love works." Kurt shrugged as several tears slipped down his cheeks. "I wanted to think that our love was so special, was so strong that everything would just…work out."

"You don't think that-" Blaine began, eyes widening in fear, but Kurt shook his head and placed a gentle finger on his lips.

"Please, I promise you can say whatever you need to after, but I need to get this out."

Blaine puckered his lips to kiss Kurt’s finger and nodded.

"I _do_ think our love is special, and I _do_ think our love is strong," Kurt smiled, lifting up a hand to stroke Blaine's cheek. "I said to you once that love was a choice, and I still stand by that, but I don’t think I really understood what it meant until later. Blaine, I know I could never love anyone else half as much as I do you, choice or no. But what I can choose, and what I do choose, is to reshape and restructure my life to become _our_ life.” Inspired by the joy and relief in Blaine’s face, Kurt continued. “And by doing that I now know that I'm not losing anything and I'm not changing who I am. Love means compromise and discussion, it means talking frankly about what both people need and want. It means that one person is never in the right or wrong all the time. It means growth and change – both as individuals and as a couple. And it does mean fighting." Kurt had long stopped trying to stop the tears; he felt as though he would collapse if Blaine wasn't there to keep him steady. "But the fighting doesn't mean that we're broken or wrong. Neither does being scared." Kurt took several deep breaths like his therapist had taught him. "If you want, I would love to see your therapist with you, so you can talk about everything you need from me. And then maybe...in New York we can both see mine?" Kurt glanced up a little anxiously, relaxing when he saw Blaine nodding, biting his lip as his own tears fell. "You're it for me Blaine. You're the love of my life." Kurt had never felt more comfortable and honest; these words were things he had always felt but never did a great job of saying. "I trust you with everything I have and everything I am. I know I have faults, and that some of those faults led to our break-up. But from this moment on, I want to spend the rest of my life letting you in to where I'm most vulnerable. To talk to you about when I'm afraid and why I'm afraid and let you catch me." Kurt took a step back, squeezing Blaine’s hands. "I trust you Blaine. In my past, in my present, and with my future. And if you'll have me, I want to be your husband." He smiled at Blaine's stunned and awed expression. "You don't have to answer or say anything you don't want to. I don't want to pressure you to do anything today; I just wanted to let you know how I feel." He shrugged, "it's one of the things I've been working on."

Blaine let out one of those sob-laughs that made Kurt want to hold him even tighter. "Okay. Wow. Um…my turn I guess?" He closed his eyes for a moment, and Kurt wanted to kiss away the tear clinging to his beautiful eyelashes. "I've always said you're the love of my life Kurt, and that never changed. Not when I…cheated on you, not when you broke off our engagement, and not when I tried to move on with Dave. You're not the only one with faults and fears Kurt, and you're not the only one who dealt with them in unhealthy ways."

There was a pause, both of them keeping quiet and looking down, Blaine's thumb rubbing circles onto the back of Kurt's hand.

"I'm on antidepressants," Blaine said quietly. "Have been for several months now."

Kurt squeezed his hands in support. "Do you think they're helping?"

He shrugged, still looking down and avoiding eye contact. "I dunno, I guess so."

"My dad’s been on them." Kurt contributed softly, nodding when Blaine looked up surprised. "I didn't know until recently, but after my mom died, yeah. He said it was a helpful tool while he got himself to a better emotional and mental place."

"Yeah," Blaine still looked slightly amazed, "exactly."

"I'm so proud of you." Kurt gave in to his desire and wrapped Blaine in a tight embrace, glowing when Blaine tucked himself into Kurt’s neck like he always did. He breathed in Blaine’s scent, a sweet mix of cologne and raspberry hair gel that made Kurt feel at home.

"...I am too." Blaine whispered into Kurt’s ear, prompting him to give Blaine another squeeze before pulling back slightly so they could continue talking.

Blaine sighed. "Before...I just had this buildup of anxiety and doubt and self-loathing. And I don't think I ever truly forgave myself for our first breakup...for me cheating on you. I like to make people happy, and I _love_ to make the person I love happy," his eyes glowed as he smiled at Kurt. "But I'm learning that I need to love myself and make myself happy too, even if it may seem selfish at first. That standing my ground isn't wrong, and that space and walls don’t have to shut out or trap me. They can be opportunities to define myself and grow.” He took another breath, looking up gratefully at Kurt. “It means a lot to me that you're working on sharing how you're feeling, and um, it really makes me happy when you're, uh, demonstrative about our relationship." He blushed. "I'm still working on being open about what I want too, and not making assumptions about how you feel."

Kurt nodded proudly.

"I can live without you Kurt, I know that now. There was never any doubt about you, you're so strong and confident and just...amazing. But now I know that I can be my own person, and be strong alone."

It was Blaine’s turn to shake his head as Kurt shrunk inwards. "But what I said before is true, Kurt. In every lifetime, in every scenario, there is never one in which I wouldn't choose you, no matter the difficulty."

“Soo…does that mean we’re doing this?” Kurt’s voice was breathless. “Are we getting married? Today?”

They both stared at each other in shock and anticipation.

“…yes?” Blaine offered. “Yes.”

“Yes,” Kurt echoed. “Yes, oh my god.”

“Yes!” Blaine laughed, his hands coming up to cover his mouth. “ _Kurt_.”

“We’re getting married.” Kurt mimicked Blaine’s posture. “We’re getting married!”

They were startled out of their reverie by clapping as Brittany walked back in the room. (Kurt thought that the whole point of them leaving was for them to have privacy, but then again he wasn’t surprised.) “Wow. I chose my dream so well. That…was beautiful.” She bounced on her toes, beaming at Santana who was shaking her head with a fond smile. “And now everything is perfect.” She nodded as if Kurt and Blaine’s entire world hadn’t shifted. “I guess your vows are all set, so it looks like we’re all set to go! You better get dressed in your tuxes. Oh-” she whispered, “and if you get confused, I put your faces on the mannequins.” With one last thumbs up, her and Santana hurried behind the changing screen for last minute touches.

“Oh my god.” Blaine’s face lost color. “Vows. Kurt, what are we going to do?”

“I actually had a really great idea,” Brittany continued from behind the screen as if no one had interrupted. “I thought that maybe the four of us could switch off, you know? Like you take a turn, I take a turn, Santana takes a turn-”

“I think that’s a perfect idea Britt.” Santana encouraged, before giving her fiancée what sounded like several kisses.

Still overwhelmed, Kurt nevertheless nodded and took Blaine’s elbow, guiding him over to the corner and pulling out the small wedding planner notebook and a pen he had been keeping in his suit pocket.

“Oh, one more thing.” Santana popped her head out from the screen (apparently they wouldn’t be getting any actual privacy today). “Our vows are only a few lines, cuz Britt wanted to keep it simple and easy to remember. So short and sweet boys, got it?” She gave them each a firm look before backing away, leaving both boys staring at each other, eyes wide.

Fifteen minutes later the brides were getting ancy and the paper in front of Kurt and Blaine was still empty.

“Maybe we should just wing it,” Kurt offered. “Say it from the heart, you know?”

“No!” Blaine shook his head. “I can’t. I – Kurt.”

Kurt took Blaine’s outstretched hand with concern. “You can’t what? Do you not want to get married today? Because we don’t have to do anything we’re not comfortable with.”

“No! No, no that’s not it. I just-” Blaine hung his head, breathing faster than sounded normal.

Kurt tossed aside the notebook and knelt down in front of Blaine. “Hey, baby look at me. It’s okay. What do you need from me right now?” _Look at him; using a therapy technique, he was going to be such a good husband._

It took several seconds for Blaine’s shaky breathing to regulate; his fingers relaxing in Kurt’s grip as he looked down at him. “I…I have maybe one line or two I can think of. But I feel like I said everything in our proposal and I don’t know how else to say it…I just want to say yes.” His eyes were glistening with emotion. “I just want to say yes to being your husband.”

Kurt pushed himself to standing, guiding Blaine to his feet as well. “That’s all I need.” He leaned in and kissed Blaine, resting his cheek against his fiancé’s (fiancé!) with a happy sigh as they breathed with each other.

“I am a work in progress.” The words were so faint Kurt almost missed them.

“What?” He pulled back.

“I am a work in progress,” Blaine repeated himself. “It’s one of the mantras my therapist and I came up with. I want to say it as part of my vows.”

“That’s…perfect.” Kurt smiled before glancing over to where Santana’s nails were tapping impatiently on the screen. “We’re ready for this Blaine. Come on, let’s get ready.” He turned around to examine the mannequins. “These suits…” he whispered, “they’re-”

“The ones you had looked at pre-crazy break-up? Yeah.” Santana piped up, turning around the screen from where she was adjusting her veil.

“But how…” Blaine asked in awe as he fingered his Brooks Brothers jacket.

Santana shrugged. “Look, I know I’m not the best person and I’ve never been a great friend. But I really do care about you guys and I want this to be the start of my new life.” She looked lovingly at her wife-to-be. “So I called Isabelle. She was furious at the idea of you two eloping but she’s really happy for you and wants them to be your gift.”

Kurt nodded and mouthed his thanks, shooing the girls away as he stripped his groomsman suit and began to change into his wedding tux.

“Isn’t it bad luck to see the groom before the wedding?” Blaine said as he buttoned his shirt.

“Don’t get her started!” Santana called. “I already told Britt that bullshit’s for straights. Not us queers.”

“As much as I hate to say it, she’s right.” Kurt fixed Blaine’s bowtie and kissed him quickly. “It’s time.”

*

The couples were in opposite pairings, waiting outside the barn entrance for their cue.

“Oh, one last thing,” Kurt heard Santana speak up to Blaine. “Can Britt and I use that line too? The work in progress line…it’s beautiful.”

“Of course, Santana.” Kurt heard the smile in his voice.

“I think we should all use it.” Brittany unhooked her elbow from his and smiled brightly. “Aren’t we all a work in progress?”

The four of them smiled at each other, gleeful at the rush of being in love and getting married. After a moment of a unified _ohmygodholyshit_ moment, the music began and the first lyrics of the song washed out the door. It was time.

Kurt felt like he was floating down the aisle, with Brittany’s gentle weight the only thing keeping him grounded as Mercedes’ beautiful voice pulled on his tear ducts. Before Blaine and Santana followed them down, he saw out of the corner of his eye Carole get Pam’s attention in shock, shaking her head in happy disbelief. But before he could catch their eye the second couple entered the barn. Kurt loved every second of Blaine coming down the aisle, his fiancé intense in his focus until the smile he couldn’t hold back broke through.

As he said before, Blaine was happy to let Kurt have more time on the vows. The lines spoken between them were rich with honesty and love, a moment more perfect than any rehearsed speech. Kurt’s “I do” was light, joyous, unafraid, and sure. His eyes were soft and safe, a rarity in front of so many people. Blaine’s “I do” was certain, heavy with emotion, and deep. He kept nodding, his mind, heart, and soul pouring itself into the moment as a tear escaped the corner of his eye. _“I would have said yes.”_ He was saying yes.

Kurt pulled his ring out of his pocket with flare, sliding the band onto Blaine’s hand without hesitation. Blaine lifted his finger to watch it shine – in awe maybe, or in joy, in relief. _I honestly thought I would never find real love._ Kurt fumbled for a moment, offering Blaine the wrong hand before blushing and reaching out the correct one so Blaine could slowly, reverently, slide the ring onto Kurt’s finger.

Blaine held Kurt’s hands close to his body, keeping his almost-husband as close as possible. He kept staring at Kurt, who looked back just as eagerly, waiting for his dad’s declaration before meeting Blaine’s eyes again.

“I now pronounce you wife and wife, and husband and husband.”

Their first kiss as husbands was sweet and perfect, Kurt smiling into it as his father pronounced them husbands and even more so at the familiarity of Blaine’s own smile and his hand on Kurt’s neck. Kurt swung their hands, almost laughing with how indescribably happy he was. Blaine’s mouth fell open in surprise when the doves were released, squeezing Kurt’s hand because that had always been one of his ideas. At their friends and family cheering, they raised their clasped hands in triumphant joy.

On the way back down the aisle Kurt’s arm was firmly tucked into Blaine’s elbow. Oh if he could go back to his younger self. The boy who shouted with tears in his eyes why he couldn’t have love, who was told he had to be strong and alone until he found someone else as strong. The boy who was afraid to come out to his father so he pretended to be straight. The boy who accepted that being special meant being alone. The boy who suffered abuse, exclusion, and self-hatred. If he could tell him that his father would end up officiating his wedding. That he would be lucky enough to find someone that strong so early in his life. That he would find Blaine. That boy would never have dared to believe any of this was possible.

*

Blaine was walking on air, his hand tingling where he was touching his husband. As everyone exited the barn to wait for the reception, they found themselves bombarded with well-wishers.

“Dude! A double gay wedding? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

There was a moment of panic as Sam’s enthusiastic hug made him loose his grip on Kurt. But Kurt’s presence was solid beside him, and he was able to return his best friend’s embrace.

“We didn’t know either!” Blaine and Kurt shared a grin. “It just…felt right.”

“Man…” Sam shook his head. “You guys are awesome.” He turned to Kurt and gave him a hug too. “Oh! I asked Blaine before, you know, back when you were engaged…uh the first time?” His face scrunched up in confusion. “What did you guys do for the name thing?”

“Well,” Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine and leaned against him. “We just signed the papers. We are now and forever the Anderson-Hummels.”

The pride in Kurt’s voice was too much for Blaine to not cup his husband’s cheek, leaning up to kiss him.

“KURT!”

Blaine jumped out of the way as Rachel practically tackled Kurt. He laughed as Kurt did, turning to the next group of their classmates crowding in to congratulate them. Over the next thirty minutes he and Kurt hardly spoke, but they remained connected the entire time. It was an ebb and flow, finding each other in the crowd before being pulled away again with regretful smiles. And between each rush of people Blaine would look at his ring, trace the metal with his finger, and marvel at the reality of forever.

*

Act II – Always and Forever

Kurt was having the time of his life sitting at the grooms’ table, dancing to their friends’ singing as they all celebrated the love that he had been told over and over was wrong. He shimmied his shoulders against Blaine, his hair tossing with the movement and making his husband laugh.

The announcement of their _mothers_ of all people performing was a major surprise, but when Carole jogged forward and began some kind of body roll dance move Kurt’s mouth dropped in shock. Instinctively, he held out a hand, rising up in concern (whether for her safety or those around her it was hard to stay). His husband (his _husband_ ) gently eased him down with a hand on his arm.

“She’s okay!” Blaine called over the music, “she’s just having fun, don’t worry!”

Of course, moments later when Pam Anderson began her best impression of Willow Smith from that hair whipping video, Kurt was the one drumming his hands on his legs in amusement as Blaine covered his eyes, shaking his head resignedly.

The entire night was nothing like Kurt and Blaine had imagined their wedding to be, but it was absolutely perfect all the same. Their duet with Brittany and Santana was fun, though the grooms only had eyes for each other as they danced playfully around the stage. Blaine beamed as he mouthed “I love you” to his mom, who shouted her love back from where she was drunkingly hanging off of Puck. There was an emotional mother of the groom dance, during which Carole whispered that Finn would be so happy for him and they both cried as they turned slowly around the floor. Blaine’s mother was crying too, while Blaine patiently kept her from tripping as they danced. The father of the groom dance was heart wrenching at first, as Blaine’s mother started crying into her napkin and Blaine’s expression fell flat. That was, until Burt reached out a hand for the microphone.

“We’re going to have two father dances, if that’s okay with everyone. Because I’m only one guy and I’ve got two sons here to dance with.”

There were “awwws” and claps from their friends and family as Burt turned to Blaine for the first father of the groom dance. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house as Burt danced with him, murmuring words that even Kurt wouldn’t learn about until much later. The gratitude shining in Blaine’s eyes went straight to Kurt’s heart, and he went through half a pack of tissues as he realized over and over that Blaine was a part of his family forever. Burt’s next dance with Kurt prompted more happy tears all around as Kurt led him around the floor, a smile on his face as his father choked out that his mother would have been so proud of him.

Afterwards, as Kurt and Blaine were finally swaying together, they both turned to see Rachel and Carole exchanging words. The two of them spoke seriously before Carole shooed her away happily, both wiping their eyes. The boys made eye contact for a moment, agreeing silently before splitting up and heading over to the tables. Kurt beamed in admiration (as always) when Blaine bowed deeply in front of Carole, holding out his hand with some undoubtedly over-the-top invitation to dance. He took a simpler approach, holding out his arms and smiling gratefully when Rachel ran into them. They swayed side to side while Carole and Blaine waltzed around them, Rachel’s head pillowed on Kurt’s chest.

“I’ll always consider you my brother, you know.” She whispered at the end of the song, prompting Kurt to lean forward and hug her tight.

“That will never change.” Kurt murmured, both of them glancing up as Sam awkwardly approached them. Kurt bowed his head as she curtseyed, and smiled at her bright face as Sam led her into the next dance.

Only seconds passed of him alone on the dance floor before his husband came up from behind him and swept him into one song and the next. These moments, when the rest of the party and its chaos faded away into the background, were some of their favorites. The DJ had clearly been informed ahead of time; they played Dancing Queen, Come What May, and of course, Teenage Dream to name a few. Kurt was twerking with Mercedes and was spun around in a circle by Brittany. Santana’s satin-clad rear even backed up against him during one of the faster songs, complaining at Blaine’s playful frown that they had been more fun at the gay bar in New York. Blaine starred in a magnificent dance-off with Puck and Sam, their moves getting more ridiculous with each song. Much to Tina’s dismay, Blaine also spent some time catching up with Mike, both of them talking so fast it was hard for either of them to keep up. Pam and Rachel each caught Brittany and Santana’s bouquets, blushing furiously at their friends’ cheering and prompting another of Blaine’s facepalms at his mother’s antics.

The brides and grooms both cut the same cake, a chocolate extravaganza with white frosted roses, and topped with a giant sugar unicorn. The pictures preserving the moments were light and happy, Santana shoving cake into Brittany’s mouth and Brittany leaving a dot of frosting on her wife’s nose. There was a shot of Kurt giving his husband a _don’t you fucking dare_ look, followed by a beaming Blaine offering a bite of cake on a fork. Then there was Kurt feeding him a piece that was _just_ that much too big for his mouth, and their favorite, one of them kissing crumbs and frosting off their mouths with a laugh.

Hours later, the party was still going strong, but the couples were spending more and more time in corners of the barn, heated whispers and longer kisses making their desires clear. Santana finally pulled Kurt aside, whipping out her phone. “Alright fellow married gay, whattya say we make our grand exit and start our wedding nights?”

Kurt knocked back the last sips of champagne from his glass, glancing over to where a tipsy Blaine was singing his heart out next to his mother. “Oh god yes please.”

“Alright…” she tapped away before holding up the screen. “We’re in the honeymoon suite at this hotel, so try to pick somewhere else. I don’t want to know that your sausage fest is going on under the same roof I am.”

Kurt rolled his eyes but nodded. He marched over to his husband with purpose, whispering a few choice words that had Blaine following him like a puppy back to the girls.

The new brides detached from a passionate kiss. “Finally. Alright Britt, ready to scissor the night away?” Santana smirked in their direction, wanting a reaction.

Well, two of them could play at that game.

“Blaine, ready to rim me until your tongue is numb?” Kurt murmured, lips twitching at Santana’s overdramatic gagging noises.

Blaine’s face turned a deep read, but his eyes dilated and glazed over slightly, betraying his desire.

There were catcalls and cheers as the couples left, Brittany and Santana in a limo and Kurt and Blaine in a taxi. Blaine began to search and put possible hotels into the GPS as they left the barn. Their hands swung between them, and Blaine couldn’t help but glance at the shining band on Kurt’s finger again and again. They were husbands. Together forever, setting off to enjoy their life as lovers, friends, companions, and soulmates.

*

Much later that night, Kurt and Blaine were snuggled in bed at the Marriott they’d found within decent driving distance from the barn. Blaine was utterly and completely in a state of bliss. His ass was twinging with a slight burn, his soft dick was oversensitive, and his body thrummed with energy wherever it touched his husband’s. On the plus side, he had finally started to get the feeling back in his tongue.

“Your vows were amazing, by the way.” Blaine murmured, shifting his leg between Kurt’s. “So perfect, thank you so much for everything. Today was…” he sighed serenely, “today was the best.”

Kurt hummed, burrowing closer to him. He lifted Blaine’s left hand to his lips and kissed the warm band that already felt like a second skin. “You never have to thank me for loving you, Blaine. And they were true. Every word.” He sighed happily. “I’ll never get tired of saying how much I love you.” He wrapped an arm around Blaine’s waist, sharing easy kisses and touches until Kurt broke the silence. “Blaine. Did you mean what you said…that you honestly never thought you’d find real love?”

Blaine sighed, resting his head into Kurt’s chest and relaxing as Kurt automatically began stroking his hair. “I hoped I would. I imagined I would. I told myself over and over again that it would happen.” He whispered, trailing his fingers in aimless patterns across Kurt’s stomach. “But there was this central…thing always in the background, I guess. Telling me that I was joking myself, that I may be able to find happiness but never truly be in love. That my fate was fixed and there was nothing I could do about it.” He shrugged, but found that the subject wasn’t as devastating as it normally was. He was safe in his husband’s arms, their breathing in sync and their bodies intertwined.

“Well.” Kurt slowly moved around so his naked body was draped over Blaine’s. “I plan to spend the rest of my life proving that voice wrong.”

Blaine shook his head, lifting his head to kiss his husband deeply. “You already did the first time I saw you on that staircase, I just hadn’t realized it yet.”

Kurt laid kiss after kiss across Blaine’s collarbone and up his neck, ending on his lips. “Still, I’m going to make sure it stays silent forever. Because you, Blaine Anderson-Hummel;” He swept Blaine’s damp hair out of his eyes, beaming at their shared name, “are so, so loved.”

Blaine traced Kurt’s cheekbone, cupping his face. “Kiss me, Kurt Anderson-Hummel.”

“With pleasure.”

They both shut their eyes as Kurt captured Blaine’s lips in a dirty kiss. They began moving their bodies slowly, gently for their sensitive nerves. Their cocks slotted together and their legs became entangled. This round wasn’t about getting off, wasn’t about anything but the connection between them. It was about the tears in both their eyes, the gasps coming from Blaine and the grunts coming from Kurt. About the whispers of “I love you” and “forever” and “husband”. It was long and drawn out, sleepy and emotional, but when they finally reached that crest and fell over together, it was the culmination of everything that had happened that day.

Coming down, their eyes kept fluttering shut even as they tried desperately to stay awake, to cherish every second of their wedding night. Finally, after a rather large yawn from Blaine, Kurt hummed out a laugh.

“Goodnight husband, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Blaine smiled, letting his eyes rest and his body relax.

“Our first morning as husbands,” he murmured. And as he drifted off, he heard one last whisper from Kurt.

“The first day of the rest of our lives.”


	11. For Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reaction to The Rise and Fall of Sue Sylvester. Includes a scene directly inspired by an amazing storyboard by tacogrande (adapted with permission).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place November 2014. Kurt and Blaine are married :)

Storyboard [HERE](http://tacogrande.tumblr.com/post/113015456082/i-wanted-to-warm-up-a-little-but-then-i-decided-to) :)

 

Blaine was heartbroken, downtrodden, and in disbelief; still in shock as they entered the auditorium and sat down. Whatever song Kurt’s students were singing was merely a buzzing in the background compared to the nonstop thoughts of _whywhywhy_. His husband kept one hand firmly on his bicep and the other rubbed Blaine’s shoulder as a source of comfort. Blaine stared at the empty seats in front of him, weakly gesturing with his hand in some effort to communicate how lost he felt.

“I know,” Kurt whispered, rescuing Blaine from having to say anything.

When the performance ended they headed slowly down the stairs, settling down again to deliver the news. Every swallow in Blaine’s throat felt like lead, his palms sweaty as he pressed them against his thighs. But once again Kurt’s wrapped an arm around him and resumed his gentle rubbing, giving Blaine strength from his supportive presence.

*

Kurt kept his emotions at bay, schooling his face into a stoic expression. He nodded along as Blaine repeated to Mr. Shue what Dalton’s headmaster had told him on the phone.

“There was a fire at Dalton. It burned to the ground.”

Kurt was angry their honeymoon had been cut short and ended on such a negative note. He was angry that Dalton Academy had suffered such a brutal, devastating fire. He was angry that Blaine’s new role as leader of the Warblers, his opportunity for musical expression, his love of being the sole mentor of the warblers…was gone.

“There’s nothing left.”

He was so, so sad that the place that had been a safe haven for both him and Blaine was gone. He was heartbroken that the staircase, the hallways, the choir room…places that held so many memories for them were destroyed.

“Dalton Academy is gone.” Blaine still shook his head, in denial something so horrible and so sudden could happen to a place that seemed permanent.

And more than anything, Kurt was furious and devastated that anything would dare break his husband’s heart and bring him down when they had been so happy.

*

Kurt and Blaine faced the two glee clubs grimly, Blaine’s hope clouded by the weight of his sadness. He kept contact with his wedding ring the entire time, spinning the band around his finger over and over. Something about the safety it represented made him feel better – that even if his world came crumbling down, Kurt would be there beside him.

The Warblers were gathered in a tight knit group behind them, not even trying to hide their upset at the new surroundings. As soon as the plan to combine glee clubs was announced, there was immediate (and expected) pushback from the McKinley students, which was made even worse by Sue’s ridiculous comments. He winced when an insulted Travis pulled off his shoe in anger, but thankfully Tristan stopped things from escalating.

And that was only the beginning…the week just kept getting worse.

*

Blaine shook his head, miffed as he left the teacher’s lounge in a huff. So Rachel got a third chance at the prestigious, exclusive NYADA after dropping out, professional failure, and disrespecting people in the community…while he got kicked out after not even a semester of suffering from depression?

_“I got kicked out of NYADA too. Carmen cut me herself.”_

_Blaine ground his shoe into the carpet, slumped over in the chair outside of Madame Tibideaux’s office. One would think he’d be nervous at the very least after receiving an email that simply said ‘you are expected at my office at 3:30 for a personal meeting,’ but he just felt numb. As usual._

_“Mr. Anderson, you may enter.” Her cold voice beckoned him in, and he dragged himself up, sitting stiffly in the wooden chair in front of her desk._

_She adjusted her glasses, looking down at a paper in her hands. “It has come to my attention that you have not been present for many of your lessons, your performances have been lacking, and you haven’t been putting in any hours in our rehearsal rooms, despite having been recommended earlier in the year for a spot in our showcase. Is this true?” Carmen finally consented to meet his eyes, hers already filled with judgment._

_A paralyzing fog seemed to take him over, and he could hardly breathe, let alone give her a response._

_She frowned before flicking her eyes down to her desk once more. “Well, as I’m sure you are well aware; this school prides itself on educating only the most dedicated of the most talented.”_

_Part of Blaine wanted to scream, wanted to beg forgiveness, wanted to do *something*. But he simply nodded; his expression blank._

_“I must say, I am quite disappointed Mr. Anderson. You had such potential.” She pushed the paper she’d been looking over across the desk for him to pick up._

_Blaine looked down, up, then down again – completely at a loss for the words that caught his eye._

**_Termination of Enrollment_ **

_For the first time in a while, Blaine actually responded. “Madame Tibideaux, I don’t understand.”_

_She looked up from where she had already moved on to another document, frustration clear on her face. “You are no longer a student at NYADA, Mr. Anderson. I’m afraid that’s all there is to it.”_

_Fear, panic, denial all shot through him, the ice cold a shock to his system. “But…I-”_

_“Good day Mr. Anderson. You have until the end of the week to transition out of the school.”_

_It wasn’t until later that night, after hours and hours of nothingness, that Blaine finally started to cry._

That night, Kurt didn’t ask what had made Blaine more upset, but held him close and whispered over and over that he was there. That everything may not be okay, but they would face it together.

*

As the days progressed, the clubs had yet to see eye to eye on anything, with the most debated issue at hand being the image of the new ‘superchoir’. Blaine kept jumping in whenever possible, trying to support the Warbler’s campaign to keep their blazers. He couldn’t explain exactly what it was about the blazer – especially since it didn’t involve a bow tie – but he loved what wearing one every day had felt like. It was something that no one from McKinley, not even Kurt, could really understand. The blazer was belonging, it was class, it was feeling good about how he looked. The blazer was their legacy, their trademark, their team. It had been consistency after so much uncertainty.

There was a momentary reprieve as Gabe tried just that much too hard to liken their blazers to sex symbols that “women love” (though Travis’ face certainly showed his agreement). They had clearly been paying attention when Blaine showed them his old performance of Animal.

As Tristan stood up for the last remaining relics they had of their home, Blaine felt his eyes tear up again as he nodded in support, pressing his lips together to keep from crying.

_A place that meant so much to us._

Dalton had meant everything to Blaine. Safety, success, leadership, joy, acceptance, love, and a fresh start…twice.

Though he supposed he wasn’t the leader of the Warblers any more – technically the Warblers didn’t exist anymore (god horrible that sounded horrible) – Blaine still felt a duty to shoulder the burdens and responsibilities of being their teacher. He would do something to fix this…he wanted to.

*

Later that night Blaine and Kurt were huddled around the desk in Kurt’s bedroom when Blaine’s phone rang.

Kissing his husband on the cheek, Blaine answered the phone with a smile. "Hi mom.” Shutting the door behind him, he left the bedroom to let Kurt concentrate on where he was pouring over Blaine’s designs for the new uniform idea for their students.

Kurt was grateful for the project; giving Blaine something to focus on seemed to help his sadness over the loss of Dalton. Kurt’s next project had the same goal. Kurt shuffled the sketches and other papers on his desk to examine the poster he made. It may be a bit of a lost cause, trying to appeal to the monetary and emotional generosity of the McKinley population. But still, it couldn't hurt, and he hoped that it would cheer Blaine up.

He pulled the designs back on top when Blaine re-entered, his eyes hopeful.

"That's so great mom...thank you so much." He ducked his head bashfully. "I love you too. Keep me posted! Okay, bye." He hung up the phone, draping himself over Kurt’s shoulder and resting his chin by his ear.

"What did Pam-uh...mom have to say?" Kurt struggled awkwardly through the title.

"Hey, I told you-" Blaine spun Kurt’s chair around. "She was drunk when she told you that at the wedding, I talked to her afterwards and she is totally fine with you calling her Pam." He kissed Kurt when he deflated in relief. "She actually called to tell me she volunteered to be on the Dalton rebuilding committee. I guess they're meeting for the first time this weekend to lay out what they're going to do. She knows how much it meant to us so she really wants to help."

"Oh!" Kurt smiled brightly. "That's fantastic!"

“It’s definitely good news,” Blaine grinned before pulling up his chair next to his and leaning in to resume their work. The rest of the night consisted of Kurt giving Blaine the fashion know-how he needed to bring his blazers to life. He offered to help sew but Blaine was having no part of it. He was determined for this to be his work; it was the least he could do for his boys.

*

Later that week it was time for the choirs to turn into one. The blazers were completed and hanging up, ready for Blaine’s dramatic reveal during their rehearsal number. But today was also the day Kurt wanted to reveal his other plan to his husband. He taped his poster in the hallway outside the auditorium, Blaine hovering by his shoulder. The poster wasn't the greatest. In big blue and red letters read "Donate to Dalton! Help us rebuild our academy for young men" with a smaller explanation of what had happened and announcing an upcoming fundraiser. Around the words were small graphics of ties, music notes, and birds (he couldn't help himself).

"Hmm," Kurt contemplated. "Ehh. What do you think?" He turned around, his cheeks pink. "My graphic design skills are kind of shaky."

"It's great."

Kurt’s eyes softened at Blaine’s open, teary expression.

"It's a start." Blaine added, voice quiet as he looked down.

But Kurt’s face fell as Blaine fingered his wedding band anxiously, bottom lip trembling in an obvious attempt not to break down.

"Oh," Kurt cupped his husband’s cheeks, wiping away tears with his thumbs. "Oh Blaine. Listen." He made firm eye contact with Blaine’s open expression. "Whatever burned in that building, it's not what made Dalton great."

Blaine sniffed and bowed his head, fingers coming up to grasp Kurt’s arms.

Kurt’s own voice was thick with emotion. "It was the Warblers, faculty, friends – _you_ , Blaine."

He lifted his head, tears still in his eyes but happier from Kurt’s words.

"It was you and everyone else that built that magic - that saved me." Kurt beamed at his husband. "Now it's our turn to rebuild that - to give this gift to students who will need it just like we did." He was practically vibrating with how much he believed in this, in Dalton, in their ability to move forward. "We can do that Blaine! And they can make Dalton a special place again, just like we did!" His hands came down to hold Blaine’s biceps, pulling him close. "Is that something you want to do?"

Blaine’s shining eyes scrunched with happiness, and he lunged forward to hug his husband, practically knocking the breath from him. His arms were wrapped tightly around Kurt’s back and his face was buried in his shoulder. After a moment of holding each other, Blaine’s cheek pressed against his own.

"I love you." His whisper was fervent.

"I love you too." Kurt kissed the side of his forehead, and the two broke apart as they heard the starting notes of the group warming up.

"Ooh! Time for my surprise!" Blaine perked up, squeezing his hands before heading off backstage.

With on last happy glance at his poster, Kurt went to join Rachel at their table in front of the stage.

The song was phenomenal, the harmonies of the warblers combined with the depth of the New Directions made for a fantastic sound. In the midst of the song Blaine rolled in the rack of blazers, filled with nostalgia and hope that the new kids donning blazers would wear them with the same pride and joy his Dalton blazer had for him. He raised his eyebrows in hopeful question, face scrunching with joy as one of his Warblers patted his shoulder in thanks.

Kurt perked up, hopeful that this would be the answer to their tide of bad luck and cooing as their new combined choir began eagerly following in Blaine’s footsteps. He traced the silver band on his finger, pride flowing through him for his choir, their new look, and his husband.  He beamed as Blaine strode off the stage, practically skipping with excitement as he approached the table. His eyes were shining and his smile bright as he mimed the piping of the blazers, and Kurt was suddenly reminded of the Dalton choir room (and oh it hurt that it was no more). When Blaine had suggested a reverse colored blazer for competition he was met with horrified objections. But this time, Blaine pointed at the stage proudly where there newly combined choirs were decked out in red blazers. _“I did that!”_ his expression seemed to shout, _“it was my idea!”_

Kurt nodded happily in support, beaming as Blaine joined them at the director’s table. He swung his arm over Blaine’s shoulder and felt Blaine’s answering hand on his back. As Rachel leaned in, her head pressed against his, it felt like this week was finally turning around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers!! If I could borrow your attention for just a moment? I've loved doing this project, even though writing a chapter a week has been tough at times. BUT I really do love writing canon, and there's a ton more from season 6 I'd love to dive into. Not to mention that when I go back and do my glee re-watch I'm sure I'll continue to be inspired. Now here comes my question. Would you guys be interested in my continuing to write under this title past the season finale? And if so, do you only want content that takes place in season 6 and beyond (dad!klaine anyone?) or would you be ok with me writing some stuff from previous seasons? (I could always do it as a flashback?) Or if you want I could post canon stuff in a new fic and keep this just as episode reactions.
> 
> Anyhoo, any thoughts you have on the matter would be awesome - I love you all <3


	12. Triumph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reaction to We Built This Glee Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place December 2014.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who responded! I will be writing past the end of glee, and all my fic from canon s1-s6 will be written here. I haven't decided yet but I might have pre and post canon in a separate fic but when I decide I'll post on here and let you know! For this chapter, yes I know I didn't include anything about NYU but that'll be it's own chapters don't worry ;)
> 
> Good luck tonight for the finale <3

It was the nearing the end of another dance-focused rehearsal, and Blaine gestured for his boys to smile as Mr. Shue clapped out beats and called the moves for his latest combination number. As he tapped and danced along to the music Blaine took careful observations in his notepad, trying to continue as many traditions from Dalton as possible. But even before the group stopped Blaine was frowning at his notes; it was overwhelmingly obvious that his Warblers were more accustomed to picking up choreography faster than their McKinley counterparts.

As soon as the thought crossed his mind the ever-positive Mr. Shue called for a break, which Travis immediately began protesting by calling out the New Directions’ lack-luster motivation. He was quickly backed up by Gabriel (of course), reminding everyone of the high stakes the club faced. Not that Blaine could blame them; after losing everything in such a short period of time, they couldn’t lose glee too…it was unthinkable.

“We suck!” Travis summarized with frustration.

Individual voices were lost in the uproar as more people joined in the fray; among them was Jane holding back Myron while she projected as much bitterness as possible toward the blazer-clad boys. Across from her Felix and Steven were sharing a glare, looking ready to go chest-to-chest with the McCarthy twins.

Kurt immediately stood up, trying to be the positive mediator until Tristan stepped forward and easily silenced the room with his natural leadership. Blaine couldn’t help patting himself on the back for helping nurture him; after all Tristan reminded him of his days as lead Warbler. However, while Blaine was only a little hurt at his criticizing the names of the dance moves, he felt taken aback when Tristan announced the Warblers having a private meeting. Was he already that removed from the group? As the boys flocked around McKinley like a singular unit, had they already dismissed any connection they had with him?

“-who should be featured up front and who should be…hidden in the back.”

Blaine visibly reeled in disappointment; he couldn’t believe his Warblers would come to that decision. Even when he admittedly had the monopoly on features and solos in his Warbler days, he never considered any member of the group a lesser performer or ‘hidden’ behind him. He tried to give Tristan his best teacher glare; this was absolutely not in line with the Dalton code of being a true gentleman.

Gabe took over where Tristan tried to be coy, calling out Spencer and Roderick among others and knocking down Spencer’s admittedly weak rebuttal about only his looks mattering. (Again, it would be so much easier to critique the Warblers if some of their points weren’t at least borderline accurate).

“We _all_ look good!” Gabe brushed Spencer off, Travis nodding in agreement

The issue was finally settled when Kitty sent the New Direction boys apologetically to the back, though Blaine glanced nervously to Travis when she referred to him as “super gay warbler” – he knew that their new surroundings had pushed Travis and Gabe more into the closet than they already were. Blaine scribbled in his notebook – _go over attitude with Warblers and Kitty_ – but sighed in relief as the group gathered together despite grumbling and continued to rehearse.

Kurt had been right from the first time he ever told Blaine stories about the New Directions. There was never a dull moment in this choir room.

*

Despite disagreements over dancing, the mood amongst the students had been decidedly more positive the days following the initial blowup, and everyone was excited when they arrived at the choir room one afternoon to find numerous boxes addressed to the New Directions. Kurt picked up one of the packages, wondering out loud if it was from hosting the trans choir, while Blaine ran a finger over it curiously.

As the group counted down to opening them, shooting grins to each other in anticipation, Mr. Shue suddenly shouted out a warning. A second later confetti and glitter began violently shooting out of the boxes.

Instinctively, Blaine made a face and knocked the box out of Kurt’s hands, which were still in the air in confusion. He pulled Kurt aside, the two of them flinching as boxes around the room continued to pop open with spurts of colored paper. Kurt’s mouth dropped open in shock, completely flabbergasted.

Mason was shouting with glee, Madison was trying to hide, and one of the Warblers (he couldn’t see through the confetti) looked like he may need the Heimlich from how much paper was in his mouth. Travis and Gabe were wrapped around the closest Warblers to them, and Myron was screaming from where he was practically on top of Kitty’s lap. Everyone was silent in the wake of the boxes, waiting, hoping it was over when…

BANG

Blaine gasped and dragged Kurt farther into the corner, hands shaking slightly and heart pounding as the piano split apart in another confetti explosion.

Chaos ensued once more, with Mason and Madison trying to crawl out the choir room window and Rachel huddled under Mr. Shue behind a line of music stands.

Crouched behind a cello, Blaine leaned into Kurt as they observed the confetti-covered room in shock.

“…please tell me that was insured.” Kurt pressed his fists together as he stared in horror at the broken piano.

“Oh it’s not,” Blaine replied immediately, glancing to him before looking back up at the last falling scraps of paper and glitter. “But that was very, very pretty,” he nodded admirably at the colorful strips strewn across the floor.

*

Blaine was lying on the bed, scrolling through some of his favorite blog updates while Kurt put the finishing touches on his outfit. He threw his phone aside in lieu of admiring his husband as he artfully tied a shawl over his shoulders, the black fringe contrasting boldly with the bright pink of his shirt.

“What do you think?” Kurt spun around, smiling but shrugging modestly.

“I think…” Blaine slid off the bed and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist. “That an amazing man once told me that fashion has no gender. And you look fantastic as always and ready to take on Sectionals.”

Giggling on their adrenaline high, the boys were all smiles and flirty touches in the car to the school, separating for subtlety as they sat in the auditorium and their rival choirs began performing. But while everyone else was distracted by The Falconers admittedly bizarre concept, it had the two of them sneaking heated glances at each other. Blaine shifted in his seat too often for it to be natural, and if Kurt let his hand slide over Blaine’s upper thigh a little extra during that number, no one had to know. Sadly, their mood was cut short all too quickly as Vocal Adrenaline took the stage. The all too-familiar sense of horror and shock grew as they watched number after number, and judging by Rachel’s open mouth beside them she was in the same boat. Sue was clearly insane if she thought this was show choir…it was over the top, more acrobatic than choreographed, and just-

BOOM

Kurt made what he was sure was a hideous face, his hand coming up to calm his racing heart. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Blaine’s shoulders tense up at the loud noise, his body not relaxing in the slightest until several beats later. He could feel Blaine’s adrenaline pulsing through him; although the lockdown incident the year prior had been a false alarm, Blaine still reacted very violently to unexpected loud noises.

Luckily, and shockingly, the cannon stunt went off without a hitch, and all of the New Directions members in the audience made it to the show circle in one piece. Kurt introduced the pep talk fondly, nodding encouragingly at each of the students in turn. Mr. Shue was positive and upbeat, already setting up an ‘everyone wins’ scenario and talking about the future.

“Maybe you’ll be watching your own sons and daughters win their awards.”

His words, though directed at the club, went straight to Kurt’s heart. He immediately looked over to Blaine and smiled, his husband returning the gesture with a knowing look. Kids, a family, supporting each other and their futures – it was all a reality.

Kurt and Blaine watched on proudly as their students took the stage for the performances that would determine the club’s future. Their numbers were great. Not perfect, not mind-blowing, but amazing all the same. The songs were sung with passion and performed with enthusiasm, even if lacking cohesiveness at times. But they were the beginning of a new era; the continuation of every triumphant note, teary breakdown, and unified step forward of the original New Directions. Kurt couldn’t help but glance upwards as the curtain came down in front of their final number. If it hadn’t been for Finn, there wouldn’t be any remnants of the glee club to pick up. It had been his heart, soul and passion that preserved the spirit of the choir room.

“He would be proud of you,” whispered Blaine, squeezing his hand gently.

“He would be proud of us,” Kurt corrected, blinking his eyes a few extra times before leaning his head on Blaine’s shoulder. “Now we just need to wait and see if they did it.”

*

“The New Directions!”

_OH. MY. GOD._

Blaine was jumping up and down with their kids, holding up one corner of the trophy as the Warblers and the McKinley students screamed with joy and probably more than a hint of surprise. Kurt was right beside him, beaming with pride.

Rachel’s hands were clasped over her heart, eyes glistening with happy tears for their students, their legacy, and Finn’s dream. For the future.

They had done it.


	13. Not While I'm Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys take stock of each other after Kurt's attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's re-vist some earlier klaine! Takes place during Bash. Kurt is nearing the end of his second semester at NYADA, Blaine is in his first semester. They are engaged.
> 
> NOTE: From here on out chapters may take place in any time point in canon, past/present/future :)
> 
> Thinking you've seen this before? It's a re-worked version of an episode reaction I had posted previously, but I'm trying to compile my existing canon stuff before I start on new ideas :) Don't worry this fic will continue to expand and include all different time points in canon.

Kurt finished putting on his moisturizer, wincing slightly as he brushed above his left eye. He put down the tube and stared at himself in the mirror, fingers tracing his bruises absently. The sight was nothing new to him; at McKinley his back, shoulders, arms, and head had been decorated with purples, blues, and blacks more times than he could remember. He had never provoked the boys that sought out his pain, never asked for it, but he was hurt all the same. Coming into school every day while staying true to himself had been a daily battle, refusing to bend to their demands and their hatred for the most sacred part of his heart.

This time had been different; though he hadn’t been the target, hadn’t been the chosen victim of violence…he had refused to overlook it.

In hindsight, he should have anticipated the result of his spur of the moment decision. After all, his track record with confronting his tormentors spoke for itself. But Kurt hadn’t just wanted to save that man or be a hero; he had wanted to show those terrible people that they couldn’t get away with their hate crimes. In that instant the sickening horror of _not again_ had urged him forward, as had the insistent need to make it all _stop_. After all, Kurt knew from experience how much of a struggle life could be because of who you are…and how dealing with the hatred of others on top of it can prove to be too much.

As the thought ran through his head Kurt lifted his chin; as much as his dad may hate it, Kurt was proud of what he had done. A fleeting smile was reflected back at him as Kurt leaned in closer to see his left temple. The doctor had told him that the brick would most likely leave a permanent scar. And for some reason, the thought didn’t bother him at all.

The sound of the curtain parting made him lean back, glancing in the mirror to see his fiancé before turning around and giving him a small smile.

Blaine didn’t return the smile, nor did the overwhelming tension encompassing his presence disappear. His compact body appeared two sizes smaller than normal with his arms wrapped protectively around his stomach, and he looked at Kurt like his entire world was hanging by a thread.

“Kurt, I-” Blaine’s words stuck in his throat, prompting Kurt to gently beckon him over, feeling Blaine’s arm wrap around him as he looked in the mirror once more. They stayed there a while, feeling the rightness of being together until Kurt caught and held the reflection of Blaine’s gaze.

“Blaine…are you okay?”

Blaine’s eyes widened before looking anywhere else in the mirror besides Kurt. “What? Yes! I mean-no!” He sputtered. “Kurt, how can you ask that? If anything I need to be asking you if you’re okay right now. With your neck and your eye and-”

“Blaine,” Kurt held Blaine’s hand where it was on his shoulder. “I can feel your heart racing and you’re practically hyperventilating.”

“I’m fine. I’m just worried about you – I mean they wouldn’t even let me in to see you at first and I was out there holding my breath the entire time until-”

“Blaine.”

There was a split second where their eyes met once more in the mirror before Blaine’s face crumpled, and he pulled away from Kurt before he began sobbing. Silently, Kurt got up from the vanity and sat down on his (no longer _their_ ) bed slightly behind his fiancé, focusing on remaining calm until Blaine was ready.

It took several minutes for Blaine’s crying to ease up enough for him to shake his head. “I’m – sorry, Kurt,” he managed between gasping breaths, “I’m so – sorry.”

“Oh B,” Kurt gently reached out his hand and directed him to lie back against the pillows, Kurt carefully arranging himself so he was as close to Blaine as possible. If they didn’t move too much it wouldn’t seriously aggravate his wounds. “You wanna talk about it?”

He felt Blaine shrug, but it wasn’t a no, so he settled in and patiently waited for him to be comfortable.

“I kept picturing Ben.”

Kurt waited for a beat before realizing Blaine was going to need some prompting. “Ben?”

“My friend…” Blaine exhaled shakily. “The one I took to the Sadie Hawkins dance.”

Kurt tightened his fist around Blaine’s sweater, ignoring the pain that radiated from the knuckles. He knew, obviously, that both of them had suffered from homophobic bullying, but in the hours since being released he hadn’t made the full connection. So stupid of him, so selfish, not to think this would trigger memories of Blaine’s own bashing.

Blaine rubbed his thumb over Kurt’s clenched fist before continuing. “I was so helpless Kurt. I could hear him scream, could hear him try to b-beg them to stop.” Blaine’s voice caught. “But they didn’t. And I couldn’t do anything because I was just as helpless…and in so much pain.” His body gave a slight shudder, prompting Kurt to scoot closer so Blaine could gently wrap his arms around him. “And when I got that phone call all I could see and hear was you going through all that, with me helpless. And then seeing you in the hospital bed unconscious, I just remembered how horrible it was when I was in the hospital. Just the thought of you going through that – I couldn’t.”

Kurt felt his eyes begin to overflow even as he felt Blaine’s own tears landing on his cheek. “I’m so sorry Blaine.”

“No, no, don’t apologize.”

“No but I am. I don’t regret it, and if I were to go back I would do the same thing.” Kurt sat himself up with difficulty so he could make eye contact with Blaine. “But it was reckless, I know that, and I’m sorry you had to go through worrying like that.” Kurt felt his voice waver as his own tears got the better of him, choking out a small laugh. “Hell if it had been you I would be so angry Blaine, so angry.”

Blaine let out the little sob-laugh that was one of Kurt’s favorite and least favorite sounds in the world as he reached out to cup Kurt’s less injured cheek.

“It was so scary.” Kurt whispered, finally letting out something he hadn’t yet said, so caught up in the meaning behind it all. “It was overwhelming…I just _acted_. And with the anger and the adrenaline…I’m not sure I even really noticed it until right before I blacked out.” He wiped away Blaine’s tears as his fiancé nodded in response. “And I’m…I don’t know what will happen now, if this will affect me in some way, you know? It took me so long to finally feel like I belong here, like I could live in New York and feel comfortable. But now…” Kurt sighed in frustration, finally realizing the barrage of emotion he’d blocked out in the triumph of having done something to fight back.

“I know,” Blaine whispered, sitting up to Kurt’s level. “I know. But we’ll get through this. Together.”

Kurt leaned forward and embraced his fiancé, reveling in the safety he felt in Blaine’s arms. “We’ll protect each other.” Kurt affirmed, pulling back to press a delicate kiss to Blaine’s lips, wincing when the motion still hurt. “Can you sleep here tonight?”

Blaine wiped his red eyes and looked at him fondly. “As if I’d even think of being anywhere else right now.”

Kurt squeezed his hand in thanks before getting up to finish his nighttime routine slowly and carefully, already feeling lighter as Blaine fell back into their easy domestic pattern. At last, they slipped under the covers, Kurt sighing in relief as his sore muscles relaxed. Blaine fussed over Kurt’s pillow, making sure his fracture wasn’t receiving any unnecessary pressure before turning off the light and cuddling up to Kurt as gently as possible.

“Nothing’s gonna harm you.” Blaine whisper-sang into Kurt’s ear.

“No one’s gonna hurt you.” Kurt smiled to himself as he replied in kind.

They joined hands and sung the last line together; remaining joined until they drifted off into sleep.

“Not while I’m around.”


	14. Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Blaine's relationship is tested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jumping back in time again to when Kurt and Blaine were fiances! Takes place in January 2014, Kurt is in his third semester at NYADA, Blaine is in his second. Again this is a re-worked version of something I've posted before. The next chapter I'll post on here will be something new, probably season 6-esque again, and then a look back at season 1 :)

It was a quiet night after the fencing incident in combat class. Their clash had led to Blaine’s insecurities bursting out from the mounting pressure he’d been hiding behind for weeks, which in turn caused Kurt’s defenses to shoot out like a brutal forcefield. The strain in their relationship was no longer capable of being ignored, excused, or put off now that the façade of domestic bliss had long since been shattered.

There had been a discussion, tears from both sides, and a long embrace, but no passionate makeup sex. Instead Blaine was staying over at the loft, since Sam had asked for some time that night for something needing 100 candles (Blaine hadn’t questioned it), and Artie and Rachel were both planning to be out late. Kurt and Blaine were leaning against Kurt’s headboard, a movie playing on the laptop that neither of them was really watching. Instead it was the soft, careful contact of their hands clasped between them that demanded the center of their focus.

About a third of the way through the movie, Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand to get his full attention.

“Look, I know things from earlier are still…fresh,” he began hesitantly, “but just know that I did hear you and what you’re struggling with. And…I understand.” Kurt paused, unsure of whether to continue. As if reading his mind, Blaine reached forward to minimize the movie before turning to face Kurt.

“It’s just…I know what it’s like to hate the way you look,” Kurt continued. “To not like what you see in the mirror. To be ridiculed and mocked and physically punished by others for your appearance. And I – god, I should have said something when those guys in combat class were being mean to you.” He closed his eyes, shaking his head as the words dredged up memories he’d rather forget.

_Princess, baby face, gay face, girl, queen freak, fairy, ladyboy…words hissed with hate alongside so many other slurs as he was slammed into lockers. The sickening pit in his stomach those times he tried to look on *those* websites, seeing the bodies of men that were admired and those that were mocked – and his similarities to the latter._

_How could he have done anything, even unintentionally, to make Blaine feel worse? How could he have been so blind to pain he had experienced himself?_

“Honestly?” Blaine’s quiet response pulled Kurt back to the present. “It probably would have just made me feel worse,” he admitted, crossing his legs and looking down at his hands.

The silence that followed was strained, neither of them making eye contact with each other.

 “Then what am I supposed to do?” Kurt asked, looking helpless. “I want to be able to help you, I want to support you. But I can’t unless you come forward to talk to me instead of withdrawing mentally and physically.”

 _Of course, you would know all about that, wouldn’t you?_ Kurt’s ever-present inner monologue sneered, which he promptly ignored in favor of giving Blaine his attention.

Blaine pursed his lips. “Look, about the whole porn thing-”

“No. No…see this is has always been a thing for me, and I’m sorry,” Kurt said with guilty sigh. “Our physical connection is so, _so_ important to me Blaine. It always has been, since the day you took my hand when everyone else treated me like I was…contagious.” He spat out the word, still bitter from the toll the isolation had on his younger self. “But seriously Blane, it wasn’t about porn being a thing for you…I just felt like you were replacing me with it. That you were turning to nameless actors instead of us, and what we share and experience together. And that hurt me.” Kurt reached out to touch Blaine’s cheek, hating how Blaine seemed to shrink away. “But now that I know how you were feeling, I’m not upset anymore. Well – not at you. I _am_ upset that you feel insecure around me. I’ve never, ever wanted that. It _kills_ me that you feel like that.” Kurt stopped as his voice broke with emotion, the guilt and self-hatred from earlier overwhelming him.

Blaine’s eyes watered as he turned away from Kurt’s touch, arms subconsciously going around his stomach. “I couldn’t help it…I can’t help it. Even now I’m thinking about it. I don’t know if it’s because it’s something I can control or some kind of twisted self-punishment but I keep obsessing over it and I’m in this cycle of wanting more and more…and then I feel disgusted with myself whenever I see-someone else’s body.”

“…my body, you said earlier.”

Kurt’s heart wrenched as Blaine nodded, breath hitching and nose dripping in a silent sob. Although he could relate to some of Blaine’s struggles, he despised the fact that there were some things Blaine felt that he had to face alone – things that were crushing the beautiful, bright spirit he was so in love with.

“I know that we sometimes show our love for each other in different ways. Sometimes those gestures that I think are over-the-top are really important to you. And honestly, I usually love them,” Kurt smiled at his fiancé, who gave him a weak flicker of a smile in return. “But I hope you don’t think you have to continuously earn my love and trust, Blaine. Because you have it, it’s not going to leave; and _certainly_ not because you’ve gained a few pounds. We’re going to promise in sickness and in health, remember?”

“But what if I can’t stop? What if it grosses you out to touch me? What if you grow in life so fast and go so far that I slow you down?” Blaine’s eyes were wide and desperate as he threw every passing thought at his fiancé, almost desperate to get Kurt to agree with him.

There was a pause as Kurt decided how to respond.

“I’m proud of how far I’ve come,” Kurt said with determination, “and I’m not going to be ashamed of that. I think I’m stronger and more confident, talented, and loved. People see me now, whereas they never used to unless it was to hurt me. But Blaine, you’re such a _huge_ part of that foundation.” He reached for Blaine’s hands again, encouraged when he didn’t pull away. “Knowing I have you as my safety net and my support system – that no matter what, I’ll always have you and your love – I can’t even begin to say how much that means to me.”

Blaine’s shoulders collapsed, and for a moment it seemed like his fears had been appeased, until Blaine shook his head once more. “But I just feel like you don’t need that anymore! Kurt…I’m _jealous_ of you, and I hate that I’m jealous, but it’s true. You’re rising to every challenge and surpassing every expectation…you could’ve been KILLED this semester and yet nothing is holding you back. I feel like I’m nothing. _Nothing_ compared to you. It’s almost like before…when you were here and thriving in New York and living a full life when I was just…behind.”

This time it was Kurt who withdrew, and he ran his hands through his hair a few times to calm himself down. “I don’t get it. What do you want?” Kurt felt a desperate need to break down the misunderstanding between them. “I don’t want to go back to when I was shunned because I was too girly for some and not girly enough for others; where my high voice and baby fat were open-field practice for the McKinley bullies. And I know you don’t want that for me.”

Blaine looked sick at the thought alone. “No! God, Kurt, of course not.”

“Blaine, look. You saved me, you protected me, and you helped me find the courage and strength I had in myself. The knowledge that you believe in that strength is with me every single day, even if I don’t feel it myself. And now, the two of us can find and nourish yours, together.”

Kurt suddenly found himself with an armful of Blaine, and he held him close as the tension seeped out of them both, reveling in the closeness that had been lacking in the past week.

Kurt leaned to put his lips next to Blaine’s ear. “I hope you understand now. I was upset before because it seemed like you were viewing everything going right in my life as something bad, so I was getting defensive. I’m sorry if I made anything worse.”

“It’s okay,” Blaine whispered brokenly in response, “what you told me makes sense.”

“How about we start with establishing a common ground,” Kurt suggested as they pulled back, now sitting much closer than before. “My lifestyle wasn’t exactly healthy either, you know. Let’s try to eat in moderation and be healthy together, okay? More date nights in and home-cooked meals.”

“That sounds perfect,” Blaine said, reaching to hold Kurt’s hand once more. “Hey, maybe I can even try one of those cleanses from online that the stars use!”

“I was thinking more like joining that ab class I saw offered at the gym the other day…but we can look at both.”

Blaine was already sitting taller; looking more like the fiancé Kurt had been missing. Blaine looked away, bashful. “And –um – sex?”

Kurt immediately brought his eyes to meet Blaine’s. “If I thought it wouldn’t trigger more harmful thoughts, I’d have you lie down on the bed right now and I’d kiss and worship every inch of your beautiful, amazing body. But-” he reclaimed Blaine’s attention from where he’d immediately backed off. “To quote the man I love, I want to make sure you’re comfortable, so I can be comfortable.”

Blaine laughed at that, covering his face before peeking up to meet Kurt’s. “Oh my god I can’t believe I’m acting like this.”

“Blaine, trust me, it’s okay. You didn’t hold it against me when I wasn’t ready for certain steps.”

“Well of course not.”

“And you deserve the same. We can work on this at a pace that’s comfortable for the both of us.”

“I love you so much.”

Kurt leaned forward and kissed him, slow and passionately.

“Me too. I will never, ever stop loving you.”

*

The next day Blaine skips his morning pancakes and eats a bowl of cereal with sliced banana alongside Kurt before walking to class. He hasn’t been gone more than 10 minutes when his phone beeps with a message.

Blaine smiled to himself. Despite their challenges with school scheduling, living apart, and their individual inner demons, they were stronger together. With Kurt by his side, Blaine hoped he could face the reality of New York with a healthier and happier mindset.


	15. Love Wins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in June 2015, seven months after Kurt and Blaine's wedding. I just had to write a chapter in response to the Supreme Court's ruling!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm sorry I'm the worst. Too many ideas, not enough time, not enough energy, computer problems...all I can say is I promise I'm always going to keep writing and posting. As always, your comments and encouragement keep me going and inspire me more than I can say!

Barely a month after the New Warblers’ win at Nationals, Kurt and Blaine had finally moved into their new apartment and gotten settled (a decent number of half-unpacked boxes aside). After their wedding and short-lived honeymoon bliss, both boys had worked apartment shopping in between their teaching schedules, making certain that all important decisions were mutual or compromised together. The one-bedroom they finally decided on wasn’t as large as the Bushwick loft or Sam and Blaine’s old place, but it was _theirs_. Complete with a work space for Blaine, a perfectly situated sewing corner for Kurt and a bedroom with a long window that overlooked a pleasant street.  Perfectly situated between NYADA and the Tisch campus of NYU, the apartment was their future, a place for them to finally be a part of New York City the way they’d always imagined it.

But as their seventh month of marriage came around, suddenly there was a chance for life to be even better than their high school selves had dreamed.

*

As June came to a close, Blaine started getting up before his alarm every morning, hurrying to his laptop and pulling up news sites. So far, each day’s eager search had yielded a sigh from Blaine before he shut the computer and wriggled his way back under the covers for more time cuddled up to his husband.

“Not today?” Kurt would mumble, still half-asleep.

Blaine would often groan out some form of a no or simply shake his head where it was pressed against the back of Kurt’s neck.

_A decision should be announced by the end of June_

But that’s all the websites and news reports would say. The ruling on the case had the potential to change their very existence, but until then all they could do was wait.

*

Blaine hated waiting. Sure, patience was an important virtue, but when it came down to something he _really_ wanted – recognition of his marriage to his soulmate, for instance –patience was fucking overrated. He made a point of trying not to badger Kurt about it, especially after how much they both had done for the cause. Between contacting senators and representatives since the early days of state by state equality and using Burt’s political contacts to try and spread influence, neither of them had any regrets.

But there were only so many days until June was over and it _had_ to be any day now. Right?

*

As much as he was invested in the Supreme Court’s decision, Blaine’s anxiety around the “any day now, Kurt,” decision was going to give Kurt an ulcer. Part of it was probably his own natural cynicism, but he just didn’t have the same glowing optimism that Blaine did when faced with the ignorance of humanity.

It wasn’t that he didn’t think marriage equality would happen, not at all. In fact, in the past couple years Kurt was just beginning to see the possibility of it happening in his lifetime, but he just didn’t want to get his hopes and dreams up the way Blaine did. So he stayed away from the debates, the “what-ifs”, and the statements and tweets anticipating the best or the worst. Kurt couldn’t dwell on what a positive ruling on marriage would mean for them, because if it didn’t happen…he couldn’t handle his own heartbreak on top of Blaine’s. So he became used to Blaine’s obsessive routine and prepared himself for being the second to know as soon as something happened.

Which, ironically, ended up being for naught.

*

It was a Friday – their favorite day of the week since neither of their summer courses met and they could sleep in before beginning the errands and work of the weekend. After a fantastic night where Blaine was absolutely ridden into the mattress past the point of orgasm, he forgot to set his typical alarm and instead woke up to his husband’s urgent voice.

“Blaine!”

Blaine blinked several times and stretched his arms, yawning groggily and groaned unhappily as Kurt shook his shoulder. “Whatimeisit?”  

Kurt didn’t respond, making some kind of choked-up noise that got Blaine’s attention immediately. He sat up, rubbing his eyes to see Kurt staring at his phone, one hand covering his mouth.

His heart started racing. “Kurt? What’s wrong? Is it your dad? Is-”

He shook his head, laughing as a few tears fell down his cheeks. “Check your phone,” he got out.

Still confused, Blaine threw his arm out to where his phone was sitting on their bedside table.

_6 missed calls_

Santana: OH MY GOD

Santana: HOLY SHIT HOBBIT HOW ARE YOU NOT THE ONE TO SEE THIS FIRST?

Brittany: Santana said all dolphins and unicorns can love each other now! I though we always could, but she said we should celebrate so we’re going to have sex now :D

Rachel: Oh my gosh I’m so happy for you boys! <3

Santana: God dammit I’m so fucking happy right now

Tina: BLAINEY DAYS hooray!!

Sebastian: I bet you and your sappy husband are crying over this ;)

Burt: WE DID IT KIDDOS!

Nick: oh my god

Nick: I want to ask Jeff to marry me right now I’m so happy

Sam: Yo congrats dude! I mean, you and Kurt are already married so I don’t really get how it’s different but rock on

Elliott: WE’RE GOING OUT TONIGHT FUCK YEAH

Jeff: Tell me I’m crazy to want to ask Nick to marry me

Coop: Check out my Instagram!!!! I just posted a picture of us with an awesome #LoveWins message!!! Do you think it’ll go viral?

Mom: Cooper called and told me the news, I’m so happy for you and Kurt <3

Stunned, Blaine finally turned to see Kurt scrolling through a similar barrage of messages. “I’ve got to call home!” Kurt said breathlessly, hands shaking as he went to dial.

“Put it on speaker,” Blaine shook his head in a daze, “oh my god Kurt we slept through it! I can’t believe it.”

“I’m sure they’ll be tons of video!” Kurt waved his hands, “now quick pull up the covers I’m doing FaceTime.”

Blaine had about two seconds to cover up the explicit bits before Burt’s face popped up onscreen, quickly followed by Carol’s.

“Congratulations boys!” She beamed.

“Already celebrating?”  Burt smiled, eyes twinkling at their anticipated reactions, which didn’t disappoint.

“Dad!”

Blaine felt his face flush hotly as he tugged up the stubborn bedsheet.

“-and we just happened to oversleep and woke up to the texts so no, dad, it’s not like that!” Kurt huffed, his cheeks pink.

“Awww guys you know I’m kidding you,” he chuckled. “I know you’re probably gonna go out and celebrate or something but I just wanted to tell you how happy we are for you before everything got crazy.”

“Finn would be so happy for you both.” Carol cleared her throat, rolling her eyes self-deprecatingly as they started to glisten with tears.

Blaine scooted closer to Kurt, taking his hand and squeezing lightly. “Thank you Carole.” He looked at the window that displayed their image and leaned in to give Kurt a gentle kiss on the cheek where a single tear had fallen.

“And thank you, dad.” Kurt sniffed happily, “for everything you did in Congress for all of us and just being a great dad.” His voice was thinning out from the depth of his emotion, and from the look on Burt’s face he wasn’t faring much better.

“Just doin’ my job kiddo.” Burt cleared his throat. “Okay, enough of these tears, this is a happy day for all of us. Now you two go have fun – but be safe now.” (Kurt rolled his eyes out of obligation but his smile showed that he was grateful as always for how much his dad cared). “And the two of us are gonna make plans to head out to Cleveland Pride this weekend.”

“That’s amazing.” Blaine beamed, thankful every time he realized that he was a part of this man’s family for the rest of his life.

“Okay, have fun guys!”

Kurt and Blaine both waved as Burt and Carole said their goodbyes before hanging up. Blaine’s phone was still buzzing sporadically but neither of them could take their eyes off each other as the news finally set in.

“Our marriage is real,” Blaine whispered. “I mean it’s always been _real_ and it was always special but now it’s legal in every state and we’re officially husbands nationwide and we get benefits with taxes and-”

“Blaine.”

He looked up and melted at Kurt’s lovingly patronizing yet adoring smile. “Shut up and come kiss me, my tax-paying husband of mine.”

Blaine leaned forward and hummed into a passionate kiss, laughing when both of them winced at their mutual morning breath. He trailed kisses up Kurt’s cheek before simply falling into his arms, letting his chin hook over Kurt’s shoulder with a sigh of relief. Years of hoping and fighting and dreaming for more, being told over and over that he was wrong and sick and didn’t deserve to make it this far... He thought of all the times he had been physically, mentally, and emotionally beaten down every time he tried to take a step forward. He thought of the thousands of people that passed before they could see their dream become reality.

“Shhh oh honey, baby it’s okay. I know, I know.”

It wasn’t until he heard Kurt’s whispers and felt his husband’s embrace tighten that Blaine realized he was crying, shoulders shaking as he let out all of his joy, grief, disbelief, and other overwhelming emotions he couldn’t quite name.

“I love you Kurt, so much.” Blaine pressed himself forward so as much of their skin was touching as possible. He was so grateful in moments like this that Kurt was bigger than him; he never felt safer than when he was completely surrounded by his husband.

“For as long as we both shall live.” Kurt murmured back, his own eyes glistening with joy as he laid back and pulled Blaine on top of him.

_This girl is on fire  
This girl is on fire_

Blaine’s chin fell to his chest in defeat as Kurt groaned in frustration. “If we don’t answer now she’ll just keep calling.”

Grumbling under his breath, Kurt flung his hand out to answer the phone and put it on speaker.

 “YOU BITCHES BETTER BE DRINKING OR FUCKING!” Both Blaine and Kurt grimaced at her scream.

 “Well we were actually having a tender moment before your lovely interruption,” Kurt retorted, soft eyes on Blaine all the while.

“Well it’s your own damn fault for sleeping in. Britt and I have had like at least 2 orgasms apiece already.”

Blaine scrunched up his face, prompting Kurt to sit up and kiss the pout away.

“Santana, I think they might be scissoring right now.” Brittany’s chirpy voice piped in from the background.

“Brittany!” Blaine yelped as Kurt took advantage of the moment to nip at his lip.

“Well hurry up and rub one out boys!” Santana crowed. “Britt and I are going out to celebrate with the crowd of rainbows. Tonight let’s grab Elliott and his catch of the day, even Berry and St. Bernard can come, and we’ll hit all the clubs until we pass out. What do you say?”

Blaine relaxed down and rubbed his nose against Kurt’s in an eskimo kiss, letting Brittany’s questioning about when Rachel got a dog fade into the background.  

“Sure, Santana,” Kurt replied distractedly as Blaine nuzzled against his neck. “We’ll see you later!”

“Adios, boys! Now Brit should I go with the body paint or nipple pasties-” Blissfully, the conversation cut off when she hung up.

“I shudder to think of the context behind that question,” Blaine laughed into Kurt’s shoulder.

“I have no doubt we’ll get close up and personal with the results later, but for now…” Kurt’s sly look and wandering hands were interrupted by a rather loud rumbling of his stomach. “UGH I swear this morning is-”

“Perfect.” Blaine gave him one last peck before sitting up. “What do you say we head out for brunch at that place you love and just spend the day celebrating? Like Santana said, I bet the crowds will be amazing.”

Kurt smiled softly. “How do you always know what to do?”

“Because I love you,” Blaine replied instantly, the simplicity of the truth filling him with warmth as it did every time he said the words to his husband. “And now the entire country recognizes it.”

_It is so ordered._


	16. NYU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine wants to go back to college

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place before/during season 6, from right after Kurt breaks off the engagement to the month after their wedding.

**July**

College. Calling it a sensitive subject for Blaine would be a horrifying understatement.

What had been adventure, opportunity, and excitement to prove himself to the world had turned into a spiral of self-hatred, rage, shame, and hopelessness. If you had told Blaine (or anyone while he was at Dalton for that matter), that he would fail out of college and be forced to drop out...it would have been unthinkable. He had always been the star – but his time at NYADA…his time with Kurt – had showed him how far it was possible to fall.

It was a day like any other this summer, and Blaine was staring at the list he and his therapist had created together over the course of their first several sessions. One of the scribbled bullet points stared back at him, seemingly insurmountable in its simplicity.

_Go back to college_

Such a simple concept that he had taken for granted, caught in the fairytale of true love and hard work overcoming everything. And he had learned the hard way how foolish and naïve that had been.

He shook his head in derision, flipping the list over and burying back under the covers.

Not yet.

*

**August**

On his “things that Blaine wants to do to rise out of his depression” list, _go back to college_ had been one of the earliest points. His mental health had obviously been his first priority, but once he finally, blissfully recaptured the music in his heart Blaine could finally begin to look at the future with slightly more hope. He was well aware that his position at Dalton was the result of good fortune and a favor. If he wanted to go anywhere…if he wanted to continue in this post-Kurt life, he needed a degree.

Not to mention that he felt supremely guilty about his pre-paid NYADA tuition, which would not be refunded to his parents – a fact that further strained the interaction between Blaine’s mother and his estranged father.

_“You’re telling me he decided and argued the hell out of going to this damn sissy school and then he failed out? How is that even possible? It’s not like he was taking any actual classes.”_

Those phone conversations, if his mom screaming and crying could be called conversing, were one of the reasons Blaine jumped at the opportunity to move back out. After all, Dave supported his going back to college, often bringing up the perks of many of the local colleges and offering to visit any he was interested in.

It was tempting, to stay in Ohio and seek out an entirely new future. He had a warm and doting boyfriend, a happy and comfortable living space, and an enjoyable job. With his excellent grades, almost year at NYADA and a year of teaching (and hopefully a win or two) under his belt, there was no way he wouldn’t get into a school nearby…right?

_Capital University  
Cleveland Institute of Music_

Blaine sighed, spinning the pamphlets on his desk without really looking at them, eyes glazed over at the multitude of college websites up on his laptop. One might think choosing a college would be easier the second time, but it was turning out to be the exact opposite. Of course…Blaine sighed and opened a new tab to a website visited so often he’d bookmarked it out of convenience.

_New York University._

He may be able to succeed in Ohio, be happy in Ohio, maybe even build a future in Ohio, but in his heart he knew it wasn’t where he was supposed to be. (His heart also knew who he was supposed to be _with_ but the subject was too painful to approach). Reclaiming himself and his dreams had shown Blaine that his love of music and performing had not died as he feared. Though his inner strength and confidence waxed and waned as he faced so many of his demons, he (and his therapist, he suspected) believed that a return to the city of his dreams was both inevitable and essential.

He clicked through a familiar path, scrolling until he found the requirements once more for the Tisch School of the Arts. He already had a document with a list of potential performances to assess and analyze.  But it was the personal statement he really wanted to think carefully about. Something that had enhanced his ability to appreciate performance, and what he hoped to achieve with the degree. What did he want to achieve?

Blaine closed his eyes and imagined for a moment that he was home in his childhood bedroom instead of the rainbow room he shared with Dave.  He remembered a small boy just knowing, even from a small age, that he wanted to make people happy. He loved making his mom and dad happy, he tried to make his brother happy…he loved the smiles on their faces when he sang at holiday parties or aced his piano recitals. Now, over a decade later, the same was true, the difference being that now he realizes that he can use his craft to lift up other people’s spirits while also preserving his own happiness.

He couldn’t help it; every time he visited the site his imagination kept getting away from him. Maybe he could take a course or two in the Institute of Clive Davis Recorded Music, he mused as he looked over a topics course about Freddie Mercury. Maybe he could take part in a summer songwriting workshop! He read hungrily through the performing arts course offerings; queer performance, performance and technology – and maybe he could even pick a minor! Psychology, creative writing, gender studies…his mind would begin to race with possibilities.

Blaine was halfway through comparing courses on queer history and theory of gender when he pushed back from his desk, putting his hands over his face with a mix of excitement, nerves, and confusion. Part of him was terrified of even considering going back to New York, but he just couldn’t quench the desire and the rightness of the city.

If he failed…

 _He couldn’t fail_.

Sighing, Blaine saved the document he had begun listing classes on and quit all the links. He would keep it in the background, just a possibility while he focused on more local schools for now.

*

**September**

To Elliott: So I was thinking about possibly applying to NYU

From Elliott: hey long time no hear! Does this mean you and Kurt have finally worked things out? Loser’s been shit about texting me back

To Elliott: Um…I’m kind of dating someone here

From Elliott: Ah. I’ll take that as a not yet

From Elliott: I can see this is a sore subject. Talk to me about NYU.

To Elliott: Well I want to get into Tisch

From Elliott: oooh gonna try to join me and the rest of my glitter rock vampire coven?

From Elliott: that’s a joke I’m far too unique for there to be anyone else like me here.

To Elliott: What’s the atmosphere like in Tisch? Can you take classes at other schools? Are the classes interesting? How are the professors? What about

From Elliott: the typing bubble has been there too long get your ass on skype so we can talk about the awesomeness that is NYU and how you should go there

Blaine couldn’t help the smile as he deleted the long string of text questions and leaned over to grab his laptop.

_Don’t think of things as ‘his’ or yours, especially friendships. You have to navigate your own friendships with people whether they knew him first or you. True friends are true friends regardless of your relationship status._

Smiling at his therapist’s voice in his head, Blaine booted up Skype.

*

**October**

“How’s it going?” Dave lumbered into the living room from the kitchen, plopping down on the couch with a relaxed sigh as he popped open one of the two beers in his hand. “Beer?”

Blaine shook his head, “Nah, I’m good,” he clicked his tongue absentmindedly as he continued typing the email.

“More application stuff?” Dave glanced over at Blaine’s half-hearted response, “that about one of those New York schools?”

Blaine immediately felt the atmosphere in the room get tense; the subject of New York was one of the larger elephants in the corner of their relationship that was avoided at all costs, as it brought to light the increasing evidence of their relationship’s lack of permanency.

“Just…keeping my options open,” Blaine shrugged, quickly hitting send and closing his laptop as his heart raced. He had sent a few initial emails to his therapist and psychiatrist and with their blessing had sent off an inquiry to NYU admissions just for kicks. He hadn’t anticipated either the enthusiastic response he would get or the spark of hope it set alight in his chest.

*

**Halloween**

Single, scared, and determined, Blaine dressed in his Nightbird cape and huddled on the bed, which was covered simply in new sheets after he had gotten rid of the rainbow explosion he and Dave and shared. Since their breakup Dave had kindly opted to live elsewhere until their lease was up knowing that moving home for Blaine was more complicated. So thoughtful even after they had ended, and Blaine would be lying if he wasn’t incredibly grateful. Though his mother loved him, her tendency to be overdramatic and overbearing when something bad happened was the last thing he needed.

But his focus now was not on his relationship status, or the guilt that he had left a bowl of candy outside instead of handing it out personally. It was on the completed (but not sent) application to New York University Tisch School of the Arts. He was so thankful that he got a letter from the one NYADA professor that didn’t seem to hate him just in time; it was the last step he needed after receiving permission to apply as a transfer student.

 _Courage_ , he told himself. This was not for Kurt, not for Dave, not for his therapist, and not for his parents. This was for himself.

 He pressed send.

*

**December**

He was being held by his husband, Kurt’s arms wrapped around him with his head on Blaine’s shoulder, as they viewed the innocent-looking letter staring back at them from the table.

“No matter what happens Blaine, I love you and we’re married now. We’ll figure this out together.” Kurt whispered with a kiss to his cheek.

Spinning his wedding ring around his finger, which had become both a nervous habit and a measure of reassurance, he opened the letter.

_Congratulations Mr. Anderson! It is our pleasure to welcome you to Tisch School of the Arts at New York University._

Reading over his shoulder, Kurt let out a victorious shriek and practically jumped into his arms to embrace him. Blaine was lifted up as Kurt bounced around happily, his face frozen in stunned disbelief.

He did it. He was going back to New York; back to college. Back on the path to his future.


	17. Nominee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Kurt or Blaine is nominated for a major award.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place in February 2019. Kurt is 25, Blaine is 24, they have been married for over 4 years and are currently in the Off-Broadway production of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Kurt took a deep breath, smiling at the purely Blaine smells coming from the bathroom where his husband was preparing for “one of the biggest nights of his life”. The fragrant raspberry hair gel mixed with the subtle scent of their hairspray, rounded out by the organic musk of Blaine’s favorite cologne.  For once, Kurt had made absolutely sure to get ready quickly; taking time out of his usual routine to make sure Blaine’s anxiety was in check. A peck on the cheek there, rubbing the back of his neck, squeezing his hand, anything to calm down the nerves that had been steadily increasing as the award show approached. Whereas on any given night there would be some form of music in the air, tonight there was only focus and murmured assurances and reminders.

He checked his phone yet again, answering a few more texts before pocketing it and checking his ensemble in the mirror. Blaine’s phone was shut off for the night to minimize distractions, so Kurt was his link to everyone important; one of the many ways he had taken charge of any and all details regarding the evening. He had confirmed their hotel, flights, and packing essentials, planned around the couple interviews Blaine’s agent had scheduled, and made sure their understudies knew the exact dates they were required to fill in for Virginia Woolf. Happily, with the help of Blaine’s agent, Kurt had acquired a fabulously cut navy and black Brooks Brothers suit that fit Blaine perfectly. For himself, Kurt chose a [simple yet flattering black number](http://itallstartedwithharry.tumblr.com/post/16756833359) with silk designs around the shoulders, set off by a skinny tie. The ensemble would look fabulous on the red carpet while, for once, not pulling focus. After all this was Blaine’s night to shine.

“How do I look?” Blaine finally emerged from the bathroom, holding his hands out in a small ‘ta-da’ gesture and giving Kurt the smile that called for a little extra support and attention. [He looked stunning](http://itallstartedwithharry.tumblr.com/post/129000380093/dailydarrennews-ashleypweston-a-big-congrats), from his artfully messy curls to the jacket cinched around his tiny waist and the pants that flattered his ass perfectly.

“You look incredible, Blaine, just perfect.” Kurt beamed, hugging his husband and pressing a kiss to his minty-fresh mouth. “Just need to fix one thing…” He reached out to finish Blaine’s bowtie, purposefully left undone around his neck. Kurt tied the pointed bowtie before kissing his nose, a ritual that never failed to calm both of them. “There, now we’re red-carpet ready.”

Blaine squeezed his hand nervously. “Let’s do this.”

*

“Blaine!”

“Blaine!”

“Mr. Anderson look this way please!”

“Blaine Anderson, can you step up here for a moment please?”

Kurt loved the carpet, but there was something special about not being the center of attention. He kept a firm grip on Blaine’s elbow as they made their way slowly along the cameras, standing off to the side whenever the press wanted a solo shot of Blaine or he went up to give a short interview. Kurt even got to stand with him for a couple, smiling as the correspondent for E! complimented them both on their suits and wished Blaine luck.

Blaine let out a sigh of relief when they entered the Staples Center, blinking his eyes several times in succession. “God I’m glad that’s over,” he accepted Kurt’s offered handkerchief to rub his eyes. “I hate all those lights.” Taking his hand, he led Kurt into the mass of celebrities milling about in the process of getting to their seats. “Ready for more networking and schmoozing?”

“Absolutely,” Kurt murmured back with a shoulder bump. “But before all this really gets going,” he pulled on their hands so they were facing each other. “Remember, no matter what happens tonight, I am so, so proud to be with you.”

The words had their desired effect, as Blaine ducked his head bashfully and some of the remaining tension left his body.

“Thank you,” he whispered, “I always want you to be.”

They shared a kiss, and turned to face the crowd together.

*

They were in their seats, waiting for the show to start, and Blaine was so ancy he couldn’t sit still. How on earth did people do this every year without having a nervous breakdown? He couldn’t be more thankful for how much Kurt had helped make this evening go as smoothly as possible.

“Look at this!”

Blaine turned to focus on Kurt’s phone screen; he had been very cautious with the internet during the months since his nomination, worried that comments about his chances would throw him off working on his current projects. What Kurt was showing him, thankfully, was simply photos that had already been released to the public from the red carpet. This page in particular displayed two; one of the two of them with interlocked elbows, both looking at the camera with smiles. The other, already Blaine’s favorite, was one of him posing solo. The photo showed off his suit rather nicely (Kurt always knew how to pick them), but more importantly Kurt hadn’t been cut out of the picture. He was standing back and to the side, but his focus was entirely on his husband, a proud smile on his face.

_Caption: First-time nominee singer-songwriter and actor Blaine Anderson graces the red carpet with his husband, jewelry designer and actor Kurt Hummel, for the 61st annual Grammy awards._

He pressed a kiss to Kurt’s cheek. “We look really good, you did a great job.”

“We look damn good,” Kurt agreed happily, switching his attention to the stage as clapping signaled the beginning of the show.

As he had been doing all night, Blaine snuck his hand into his pocket and double-checked that the crumpled speech was still there. He had told anyone who asked that he hadn’t prepared anything, that it was simply an honor to be nominated but he didn’t expect to win. But there was still a small ‘what if’ voice in his mind that led him to writing an acceptance speech – he only hoped that it wouldn’t make him feel worse if he didn’t win. Thanking the director, NYU, his professors, and of course Kurt, his mother…it was so much pressure he needed to have it written down just in case.

“Best compilation soundtrack album for motion picture, television, or other visual media.” Blaine’s heart gave a stutter as they announced his category, and reached out for Kurt’s hand, squeezing it tightly.

“And the nominees are: “Blaine Anderson, St. Elmo’s Fire: The Musical.”

Internally screaming with nerves and impatience, Blaine coached his face into what he hoped was passably excited-yet-casual for the cameras, ears blocking everything else out unless it was to hear his name called out one more time…

It wasn’t.

*

The rest of the night wasn’t bad; he swallowed his regret, offered congratulation after congratulation, and accepted the occasional “better luck on your next one!” condolences. Once again, he was incredibly glad he didn’t have his phone on, and thankful Kurt didn’t take out his once. Responding to sympathetic family and friends could wait until he was in a better frame of mind. Thankfully he managed to enjoy the after-parties he was expected to attend; even making some important connections he hoped to make use of in the future. As the night drew to a close, however, he was more than ready to go back to the hotel when he and Kurt finally snuck out to the cars.

There were no tears that night, just the cold pit of disappointment in Blaine’s stomach as he washed away the finery of the night. He found himself staring at his reflection in the mirror when Kurt came in and gently wrapped his arms around Blaine from behind, leading him to bed. He fell asleep pressed against Kurt’s chest, enveloped in his husband’s embrace as Kurt whispered praise and love.

He hadn’t won this time, but it was only the beginning.

6 years later

It was their second time in this theater and Kurt and Blaine had once again passed through the red carpet, this time both wearing suits designed by Kurt himself. As they settled into their seats Blaine’s phone buzzed yet again in his pocket, and he pulled it out to scroll through the various well-wishers before seeing a text that took priority.

 **From Jesse** : The munchkin says break a leg to her daddy! We’re all set for a fun sleepover here, don’t you worry _._

Attached was a picture of their beautiful Elizabeth (Elizabeth Hepburn Anderson-Hummel, Blaine was always fond of saying her full name), grinning to the camera. He showed the phone to Kurt, who beamed proudly over their little girl.

“We’re sure everything is set right? We packed everything she needed and gave Jesse and Rachel the list of foods she absolutely cannot eat and the list of foods she likes and-“

“She’s fine,” Blaine reassured, leaning in to peck his husband on the cheek. “This isn’t the first time she’s slept over there, and you know she loves Auntie Rachel and Uncle Jesse.”

Satisfied, Kurt pulled him in for a selfie, sending it back to Jesse before returning the phone to Blaine. “Ready for round two?”

Blaine took a deep breath as the host took to the stage, “as I’ll ever be”.

*

“And the Grammy for Best Song Written for Motion Picture, Television, or Other Visual Media goes to…”

The breathless moment of waiting.

“Blaine Anderson!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time I've been able to write anything for a while! As always, comments/kudos are loved and appreciated :)


End file.
